


Constellations above us

by Belensthoughts



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Found Family, Idiots in Love, Nerd Bellamy Blake, Not angsty but kind of?, Singer Clarke Griffin, Slow Burn, and all that good stuff, anyway, bed sharing, there's no bellarke without but I didn't want it to be too heavy, they were roomates
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-25
Updated: 2020-06-26
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:28:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 31,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24919114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Belensthoughts/pseuds/Belensthoughts
Summary: Clarke's a superstar and pictures of her and her girlfriend have surfaced, said girlfriend decided to bail because she wasn't ready to come out to the public yet and Clarke was left alone to deal with the mess. Her manager comes with the brilliant idea that she could hire someone to play her boyfriend for a few moths, to distract from the frenzy and he picks the asshole she met a few months back. How did she end up living with him? Well... that's a long story.
Relationships: Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin, Monty Green/Harper McIntyre
Comments: 4
Kudos: 59





	1. Andromeda

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is my first for the 100 and I have half of it written already to not leave you guys hanging, but life could come up so don't hold me to that lol Clarke's based on a fusion of Taylor Swift's career and Halsey's artistic inclinations. I hope you like it and I did started writing this a few months back so, let's pretend quarentine didn't happen.

“Clarke, someone’s on the phone.”

“Tell them I’m not available.”

“Tell them yourself” responded Harper throwing her the phone. It fell on her thigh. Clarke growled but uncovered herself. She had been in her bed for the last couple of days and Harper hated it.

“Hello?”

“Oh, finally miss Griffin.” The very recognizable voice of her manager came through and she had to bite back a growl. “We’re going to need you to come to a meeting tomorrow.”

“What for?”

“Well… you know. We have to take care of the scandal.”

She hated the idea of not taking care of her own mess herself, but she also hated the idea of doing it. She hated what her life had become and she really felt like she needed a few more days in bed.

“Just this one time I leave everything in your hands. I trust you, Kane.”

She really did trust her manager, he had been her saving grace many times in the past and this last scandal was just too much for her to handle. The break-up, the picture going public and everyone questioning her because she had never been straightforward about her sexuality. It was just too much, she just wanted to be in bed and be a normal person for a few more days.

“Are you sure? What if we make a decision you’re not comfortable with?”

“I’m fine with whatever you deem it’s the right way to get out of this mess.” She hated the words coming out of her right now, but she was well aware that she couldn’t back up unless she stepped forward and work on it herself. And there was no chance in hell she was going to do that. “If I have to come out, I will. If you think we should lay low, I’ll do it. Just let me be sorry for myself a few more days?”

“Okay. But three more days. We’ll have this meeting, see what we can come up with and on…Tuesday we’re calling you for a meeting to inform you of our solution.”

“Fine.”

She hung up, without hearing another word. She wasn’t in the mood for human interactions, not even with Harper, who as her assistant/boss of body guards was always around her. Also, she lived with her and Miller and they usually hanged out a lot, but these last few days got her holed up in her room.

She needed more time to keep thinking about what happened. How did everything crumble so easily?

She had planned on coming out and telling everyone she was bi, because of Lexa. She was so in love, even when their relationship started rocky. She chose to trust her, because she just liked her so much.

They had so much in common, Lexa was as passionate about music as she was and that helped her remember just how free she felt doing her own music before she became basically the biggest pop star on the planet. She helped her remember she was doing this out of love and not obligation.

They wrote some beautiful songs, made love countless of times and then when a news outlet let out a picture of them kissing on a concert, she just vanished. She texted her, though. Explaining that her blossoming career couldn’t take a blow like this, that she was already marketed as a hetero singer and that being out in public was just too hard on an emerging artist.

She broke her heart like no one ever had. And that was saying a lot, since Finn happened.

Of course, rationally, she understood were Lexa was coming from. Being out and proud was hard, she had been in the public scene for ten years and she still hadn’t tell people she was bi and that some songs should have “she” instead of “he”. She leaned on the general “you” these days, to avoid said scrutiny.

She knew that many people suspected she wasn’t straight. There were blogs, Tumblr and Instagram accounts that only ever posted pictures of her and her female friends, with theories of which one was a friend and which was something else. They all knew Lexa wasn’t just a friend and this picture was proof.

Worst thing of all, she could come out now because she just didn’t care that much anymore, she felt kind of dumb for keeping it for herself, this was 2020 and people was out every day. When she started, of course it was harder, a southern seventeen year old girl singing about kissing girls on 2010? Hell no, she wasn’t Katy Perry. Nobody would’ve listened to it, she would’ve been publicly prosecuted.

But now, people were telling other people that it was okay, the internet had helped as well, with visibility for folks who weren’t straight. Gays, lesbians, bi, trans, non-binary even gender-fluid was a thing now that would’ve been impossible to see on an daily basis on the south a decade earlier.

She could come out, say that “Sunshine on your skin” was about a sexy back-up dancer she once had a one-night stand with. But what about Lexa? She would hate for it to be out, so she had to just stay silent about her true self, because even if she was heart-broken, she couldn’t force someone to come out when they were not ready.

Especially when it had taken her so much time to even think about having a serious relationship with a girl, instead of just one-night stands masquerading them as “curiosity” when she knew damn well she liked both genders. Maybe that’s why it was so hard to think of standing up, because she was finally brave enough to be in a relationship with a woman and she fell in love, risked it all and the other person did not reciprocate that.

She stayed in bed for another two days, but Harper dragged her to the shower on the third one. Clarke fought and kicked and screamed but Harper was just too strong. Both physically and mentally.

“You look disgusting” she said turning the water on with a fully clothed Clarke under it.

“You’re crazy! I’ll fire you.”

“Yeah, try to find someone who’ll put up with this shit and keep all of your secrets as good as me, I’ll wait outside.”

She walked without a care in the world, she knew Clarke wouldn’t fire her, she was the only woman on her security team and the best one. She could take out three people at a time, manage her crazy schedule and listen to her when she got drunk on one of her mansions, completely by herself and cried herself to sleep. Harper was always there, taking care of her, even when she wasn’t really a chosen friend at first and she definitely didn’t have to.

She had become easily her best friend, advising her when other girls would come just to get some of her fame. She did listen to her a couple of times, then didn’t other ones. They always ended up like Lexa. Betrayal, gossips, exposés.

Harper had a thick skin but could be so sweet when she wanted to. She had tried that approach the first few days, but it didn’t work. She had tried leaving her alone and obviously, it hadn’t work for Clarke to open up. She wasn’t that surprised that she decided to just dump her in the shower.

So she took her clothes off, took the longest shower she could and then got out to put on a robe and find her bed made for her. Her mother was sitting on top of it.

“Mom!” she went to hug her and once on her mom’s arms she started crying. She hated how easily she could break with Abby, but she also loved that she always felt better after talking to her.

“How are you, honey?”

“I’m a mess, mom. I screwed up.”

“No, you did not. You just fell in love.”

She smiled in spite of her tears. She couldn’t believe she spent a whole year not talking to her, such nonsense. Her mom was the only one who could make her feel safe, even when a camp of paparazzi was outside her window and she could listen to their screams and cameras.

“I loved her so much, mom. I loved her so much and she left me”

“Yes, I heard. I’m thinking about paying her a visit.”

“No”, she pulled away to look at her mom, she was serious “you can’t do that.”

“Why not? She broke your heart.”

“I’ll get over her.”

“Yes, but she still hurt you.”

“It’ll be alright.” She said unconvincingly, after all she had been moping in bed for five days. “I just need to bet left alone. I need to be away from the paparazzi.”

“I was thinking about that, how do you feel about going on a vacation you and I? We could go to a nice private island, I’m pretty sure Thelonious would lend us his.”

“Can you go on vacation? How would the hospital manage without you?”

“They’ll be alright. I hardly see you anymore, I want to do this.”

“How long?”

“Well, you know I can just take a week. But you could stay longer.”

“Okay. I like the idea.” She agreed trying to sound enthusiastic. “I have a meeting tomorrow with my manager and the label boss. I told them I’d do as they deem necessary and then I can tell them to put the plan on track when I come back from the island.”

“Perfect.”

Clarke could tell her mother didn’t like that she gave them control, but she was tired. She had been making decisions for ten years now, always trying to make every move as she saw fit and never letting anyone decide which song, photo or melody would be on her records. She would try to control as much of her career as possible, but this time she was relinquishing control and she didn’t feel bad about it.

That was until she went into the meeting. They said hi without looking at her in the eyes and she knew she had made a mistake.

“Clarke, we have laid out a perfect plan for the upcoming weeks.”

“Okay…” she whispered already regretting everything.

“We were contacted by Lexa’s lawyers and they said that they’d sue us for defamation if you come out and say that you were together. However, they have offered us some money in case you do want to come out and say that you liked Lexa and that’s why you kissed her, but she rejected you.”

She felt sick to her stomach. If she was coming out was to stop lying and now she wanted for her to look like a fool in front of everyone. Her sadness was starting to fade away, to show anger.

“I don’t want any money from them.”

“Okay, so we say it was photoshoped. We say that you actually have a boyfriend, but you guys want to be private about it, so we won’t comment any further and we find you a good looking guy to stroll around with for a few months before you guys call it quits.

“You want to hire me a boyfriend?” she asked already disgusted and feeling more pathetic.

“Technically, yes. See it as an actor. He will act as your boyfriend in front of the cameras, but since we’re saying you guys want your privacy you don’t have to kiss or anything. It has to be someone you already know, though.”

“Why?”

“To make it believable that you’ve been dating.”

“I… I don’t know if I can do this.”

“It’ll only be for a few months. You can maybe post one or two pictures with him in that spam of time, for the sake of your privacy. We have already selected three males you have met and taken pictures with this year, so it won’t be suspicious that you didn’t start dating before.”

“Can I have a moment to breathe please?”

“Of course.”

Clarke walked out the room. This was insane, she would’ve never agreed to this if it weren’t for the fact that she already did. She shouldn’t have let this in their hands, it was just totally crazy. But then again, it was just the way the business worked, she knew about this kind of stuff. Big stars dating their co-stars to promote their movies, singers collabing and using a relationship to make promo.

She’s seen it all but she never thought _she_ ’d have to resort to it. She wants to be honest, to tell everyone how she truly feels towards females and males, but she can’t do that without validating the photo and if she takes the other route, if she says she kissed her and she rejected her… she couldn’t do that.

So she only had one choice, she had to have a fake boyfriend for a few months, maybe when that was over she could say “hey, since you were bringing up girls I decided to try it out and I indeed feel attracted to them, teehee”. She felt stupid by thinking like that, trivializing her sexuality.

But maybe she could find a solution, maybe if she had more time to put her ducks in a row, she could come out victorious and proud. So she walked into the room again, with the decision made up.

“Fine, who are my options?”

“Okay. We have Monty Green, Bellamy Blake and Eric Jackson .”

“Well, Monty can’t be because he and Harper are dating and that’s just going to make things too complicated. Bellamy and I really didn’t liked each other, so it would be disastrous and Jackson is gay. I don’t think he wants to go around holding my hand and killing his chances at getting it on with guys.”

“How about we ask them and let them make a decision? Maybe Bellamy can use some money or Jackson doesn’t really hate the idea of being closeted.”

She hated it. She didn’t want anyone else closeted, she already was.

“No. I don’t want it to be Jackson, I like him too much to make him go into the closet, plus, what if there’s public photos of him with other guys?”

“We can pay to take them all down.”

“People used to take physical photos, you know. If he’s been dating guys since high school, it’s not a smart move to choose him.”

“Fine, he’s out. So… Monty or Bellamy?”

“I don’t want to do this to Harper. She deserves to be able to walk around with her boyfriend if she wants to. But I’m pretty sure Bellamy’s not going to do it. You may need to find someone else.”

“We’ll try with him and if he doesn’t want to, then we’ll move on to other people you have met recently. Maybe an actual actor, they could use the buzz.”

“No, I don’t want anyone famous. It’s going to be cameras everywhere we go.”

“Okay. Leave it to us, we’ll figure it out.”

“Great, because my mom and I are going to an island to have some alone time. So you have plenty of time.”

“For how long?”

“She’s staying for a week, but I think I’ll be there for a whole month. You said I had to lay low.”

“Yeah… it actually works great, if we can work it out with the legal stuff and find the one that actually wants to do it, then he could go spend some time with you on the island. So you can get used to being around each other.”

“I want to be alone.”

“Yes, but you’ll have your time alone. I mean, he can go on the last week.”

“Fine.”

She just walked out, with a headache and needing some time alone already, she had really screwed up her life. She’d have to pretend she was in love with… Bellamy? I mean, he wasn’t unattractive, quite the opposite, but he was also an asshole.

He hadn’t looked at her the whole time and had mocked her calling her “the princess of pop”. She had been called that on magazines a lot, but coming from his mouth it sounded so derogatory. He’d said it like it was something to be ashamed of and she kind of felt that way for a few seconds, until she remembered that she was the fucking princess of pop and that it was fucking hard to get there.

But it was a constant reminder of Finn and the way he used to call her princess. She hated it.

She was used to people hating her without even knowing her, though. She knew the effect the tabloids had on people, depicting her as bitchy, petty or anything that would sell. Of course he bought into that. She remembered the night they met to a T.

She had taken Harper as her date to the MTV video awards. She always wanted to be there not as a bodyguard or assistant and Clarke couldn’t really bring Lexa, so she went with Harper and they had Miller as their bodyguard of the night. He had been close the whole night, but Clarke liked to give him some time to wander around, see if there was anything he liked, after all, she had Harper by her side. She’d be safe.

But then, Miller decided to bring Bellamy to their table.

_“Hey guys, this is Bellamy Blake, we used to go to high school together.”_

_The guy in question was a very hot guy. Taller than her, with a broad back, messy curls on top of his head and a jawline that could get him a spot on a modelling agency. She wondered if she had seen him before, maybe on a commercial or Fashion week but his face wasn’t ringing any bell. She was sure she wouldn’t forget a guy like that._

_“Which school was that?” asked Clarke before sipping her drink._

_“Not one that you’d know about, I’m afraid” he responded without looking at her._

_“Hey. Don’t be like that. Clarke’s cool.” Scolded Miller._

_“Whatever you say.”_

_“So, how’s your sister?”_

_“A fucking menace, as usual. Mingling with the rich and powerful.”_

_“I bet you hate that”_

_“You’d be right.”_

_“If you hate us so much, then why are you here?” asked Clarke before she could stop herself._

_“Because someone has to take care of my sister, since we don’t have the money to hire security”_

_“Who’s your sister, Mr. Robin Hood?” asked Harper, half joking half mad at him for snapping at Clarke._

_“Octavia Blake. She’s a model…”_

_“Of course we know who Octavia is. She’s the only Instagram model who leaped into actual modelling.”_

_“Psht.” He rolled his eyes before talking again “she’s just a beautiful girl who knew how to profit from Instagram. And then suddenly people were asking her to make commercials and to pose for magazines.”_

_“It’s still impressive that she got to model with the likes of Gisele Bündchen and the Hadids”, intervened Clarke._

_“Of course that’s your take. I’d much rather her to get an education”_

_“What’s that supposed to mean?” she started to get riled up. This guy didn’t even knew her and was here making allegations against her._

_“Okay, let’s all just breathe.” Asked Miller and she was about to yell at Bellamy again when Harper elbowed her._

_“The photographer is coming” she whispered in her ear._

_She settled up and put on that fake smile on her face that she hated, she could hear Bellamy clicking his tongue, she knew he was making assumptions of her again and she just started counting to ten._

_“Can I get a picture of this table?”_

_“Sure” responded Harper holding Clarke tight. She was trying to keep her calm and grounded, she knew that._

_“Okay, thanks!” the guy left and everyone still felt pretty awkward._

_“Hey, big brother. What are you doing here?” asked a very pretty brunette, looking at her with big bright eyes._

_“I invited him” said Miller standing up to let her sit._

_“Miller! Oh my God. It’s been so long.” Screamed Octavia before hugging him. “Didn’t know you had celebrity friends.”_

_“He doesn’t, she’s her boss.”_

_“Don’t answer for me, jackass. She’s my friend. And you’re too bitter on a party with models and copious amounts of free alcohol”_

_“That’s what I said to him before I left. I thought he’d be sitting with the biggest star in the world because he was having fun.”_

_“She’s just the princess of pop.”_

_“You’re damn right I am and I don’t care if you’re not my biggest fan but that doesn’t make it right to be an asshole.”_

_“I like you, you tell Bell.” Cheered Octavia and then leaned conspiratorial but spoke pretty loud for it to be a secret. “And plus, he loves East Lover”_

_“Octavia, shut up” interrupted Bellamy with a little bit of red on his cheeks. Clarke smiled, lifting a brow to him and then turning to his sister._

_“Really? I thought that was a very unpopular song”_

_“Oh, he was the only fan, then.”_

_“Octavia, let’s go”_

_“Why? Only you get to mingle with the starts?”_

_“Weren’t we going to leave early to check on Lincoln?” he pressed already standing up._

_“You’re right. Fine. Thanks for everything, guys. I really liked you. And Miller, don’t be a stranger”_

_“See ya, little Blake.”_

_“Maybe we could see each other soon.” Said Clarke trying to get under Bellamy’s skin._

_“I’d love that!” yelled Octavia before hugging her goodbye._

_“Don’t hold your breath” whispered Bellamy before turning around._

_Clarke made a mental note of asking Miller if he could get Octavia’s number. She really wanted to get back at him._

It was stupid to get carried away, she knew that now, but Bellamy really pissed her off on a very good night that she was having. Of course once she got out of there she called Lexa and told her everything about the asshole and she didn’t understand why a couple of statements riled her up.

She could see now that they weren’t such a good fit. After two days of thinking it through and seeing what she agreed to, she was more and more sure that not being with her was the right thing to happen to her. Even if it hurt.

* * *

Waking up on an almost empty island was a weird experience for her. She loved coming here before, with her friends, to celebrate her birthday or the 4th of July or maybe even just to escape. But she was always with a group of people. Now, she only had her mom.

They had breakfast together, had small talk and then went to the spa on the island. She loved her mom dearly, but they hadn’t really spent time together in months and it was hard to go back to their dynamic.

It was healing, though. She could see herself letting things go if she stayed long enough on this piece of earth on the ocean. She started talking more to her mom, they started to talk about how life used to be, when she was little, before the music took over her life.

She thought about quitting a number of days, but music was all she knew and she really enjoyed making songs and then going on tour. Yes, she had the money to just stop and live the rest of her life without financial problems. But what kind of a life would that be?

She was only 27 and she was already thinking about retirement. What a life.

When her mom left, she decided to check her e-mails. She responded an e-mail to Raven, the bright girl had only so much time to chat working for NASA and they hadn’t been able since she started training to go up there.

Kane had e-mailed her a few times. She had a chill down her spine knowing it was about the boyfriend plan. The first e-mail said that Bellamy had declined the offer. The second one said that he had called again and decided to take the offer.

That sent her for a loop. Bellamy said yes? Saying that she was taken aback would be an understatement. She actually left the laptop on the top of her bed and walked out of her room to walk on the beach. She was going to have a fake boyfriend, one that was a dick.

Was it too late to back from the plan? She had been certain that he was going to say no, but there she was, alone on a private island wishing she’d never have to leave and start pretending to be in love with an almost complete stranger.

All she knew was that his name was Bellamy Blake and that his sister was an influencer turned model who was vey nice. She hated this side of the industry, how appearances were so important. How contracts had such an important role on everything they had to do and smear campaigns could come at any given time.

She wasn’t a good actress. She could barely make believable music videos, but on real life she wasn’t very good at lying, that’s why she didn’t really like going on interview shows. But that would probably come in handy now, because she never really went on those so now she didn’t have to go there and lie about being with him.

God. Everything was such a mess.

She stayed on the beach, with her feet on the water trying to compose herself and regain strength.

At night she came back to her room and she read the other e-mails. Kane believed it was better for them to spend a couple of weeks together, instead of just one. She groaned. There was not enough time for her to prepare, she wanted more than just one week for herself.

She didn’t write him back, because she was too mad. She decided to go to bed and try to calm herself before saying something she’d regret.

* * *

The week she spent alone wasn’t as good as she expected. She was nervous and scared, so there were too little time to relax. The only silver lining he had was that there weren’t paparazzi around, so she could listen to her thoughts. Bad thing was, her thoughts weren’t good ones.

She was dreading the day that Bellamy would arrive and she spent the whole night tossing and turning regretting accepting this deal. But he had and she could not come up for a good reason to. Money? His sister had plenty. Exposure? He didn’t seem to want fame, at least not any fame related to her or he would’ve been nicer.

She looked him up online. He had an Instagram account, but it had only a handful of pictures and most were of him and his sister. He only had one of himself alone and it was of him in the campus of the University of Cambridge. He seemed younger than when she met him and much happier.

She started following him, just so it wasn’t exactly the day they announced they were together. She tried to sleep again but the sun was coming up so instead she went to have breakfast on the little table outside her cabin. She wanted to watch the sunrise.

The people that worked on the island were less than twenty. She had a few maids that would come to give her food or make her bed and then five more working on the spa. There were some people cooking and some who would be in charge of getting stuff from the mainland.

She had been saying hi to every single one she saw, but they would always be too busy to spend time with her and she felt stupid asking them to. After all, she came here to be alone.

She hadn’t thought that it would be so lonely, though.

Worst of all, she knew that nothing would change once Bellamy came in a few hours. He wasn’t a fan of hers and she had no idea why he accepted this. It was crazy enough for her, who had been in the business for the last decade of her life and a bit more, she didn’t know how he didn’t think of this as deranged.

Or maybe he did and he was just agreeing to have a free vacation on a deserted island and afterwards he’d quit. At least, that’s what she’d do.

She didn’t have to think much about it because he arrived soon. She watched him descend the boat, as grumpy as she had met him, with one big backpack and nothing else. He packed light, maybe he wasn’t even staying for the two full weeks.

He nodded when he saw her and then walked to the cabin next to her.

“I need to sleep before dealing with all of this”, he said before closing the door. She had forgotten how low and kind of beautiful his voice was. She hated it.

“Can’t wait”, she murmured before she decided to start drawing the view.

By the time the girls arrived with her lunch, four hours later, he finally came out of his cabin and sit by the table outside his cabin, far away from her.

“Thank you, Callie.” Said Clarke when the older woman left her food on the table.

The woman nodded and walked to her cart to get the food for Bellamy, who had been watching her without saying anything. “This is the plate you agreed on this morning”

“I remember, thanks.” He murmured, making Clarke wonder how could his voice was so agreeable when everything else about him was so awful. Well, maybe not everything, his face and body were also _very_ agreeable, but still.

Silence fell over them as they eat. She was at least happy that he didn’t make noises when he ate, because she hated that. She didn’t know how to start the conversation, especially because he wasn’t willing to do it either.

“So…” she started, “you accepted”

“I did”

“Why?” he finally started looking at her, but he just shrugged. “Great”.

He finished his meal and went back inside without another word. This was definitely a great start.


	2. Columba

The next two days were the exact same, she would try to get something from him, but he was closed off and always giving one or two words as answers. He would disappear into his cabin and that was it.

By the third day, she just felt like shit enough that she started drinking at four. She asked for a bottle of vodka and one of orange juice. She had her worst hangovers as a teen with those and she kind of felt like she deserved those again.

She sit by the shore and started mixing screwdrivers with her feet getting wet by the water. It was kind of liberating and obviously by six she was already wasted and the idea of getting into the water fully clothed seemed somewhat good.

Her movements were sloppier than she anticipated and she ended up with water in her mouth a few times, but it wasn’t until her nose started getting compromised too that she started to panic. But she didn’t have to worry, because some strong arms got her out of the water just as she started thinking this was the end of the line.

She coughed some water when they finally got to the sand and looked at her savior: a very grumpy and also fully clothed Bellamy.

“What the fuck, Clarke?” he screamed “What’s the matter with you?”

She knew she had to thank him, he had saved her life but he was also a dick about it, and he was a dick about everything, always, so she couldn’t help but to glare at him and start to pour all her anger on him.

“Now you care what’s going on with me? You haven’t talked to me since you got here”

“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know that when the princess doesn’t get what she wants she immediately turns to buzz and fucking suicide”

“You think I did that on purpose? And because you weren’t paying attention to me? Fuck you Bellamy” she screamed before turning around to her cabin.

“Then why? Huh?” he asked just as mad stopping her by holding her elbow, “Why were you swimming with your clothes on while drunk?”

“Because I fucking wanted to!”

“Oh yes, the princess always gets what she fucking wants, right?” he spat without letting her arm go, making her angrier by the moment.

“Shut the fuck up, you know nothing about my life”

“I know plenty. You fuck up and you get a team to hire you a boyfriend. We don’t get that privilege, us mere mortals”

He was talking with such disdain and she was so sick of him and his stick up his ass, but she couldn’t help but to start laughing. It wasn’t a good laugh, it was humorless and kind of hysterical, which caught him off guard.

“Oh, yes” she responded when the laughing stopped, but the tears gathering in her eyes started spilling without her consent and she just didn’t give a fuck anymore “ I’m so happy I get to hire a boyfriend who hates me, I’m so happy I had to run to a deserted island for some peace. This is peachy, Bellamy. I’m leaving my best fucking life!”

He looked taken aback, but he still wasn’t letting her arm go “You should be thankful for having such menial problems, Clarke. There’s people out there that can’t run to a fucking island when they’re forced to come out.”

That sobered her up, because it was true. But he still acted like he knew so much about her that she got mad again.

“You don’t think I know that? Don’t you think if I could I would change places with them in a second? Don’t you think I’d give it all just for a person to care about me?”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” he asked finally letting her arm go, but she didn’t move.

“Look around you, Bellamy. Not a single person in this island is here for their own volition. Every single one of them is here because they’re getting paid. You included.”

“You have millions of fans…”

“Who know nothing about me but the image the label wanted me to show. I can’t even tell the world I’m bi because they’d end the contract or worst. Sue me for making them look bad”

“How could they sue you for coming out?”

“It’s a southern label Bellamy. I would no longer represent their values and trust me, they would do anything to get their hands on my money”

He stayed silent for a while, putting his hands on his wet pockets before speaking again, “You had Miller and Harper”

“Who I also pay.” she responded quickly enough and then she just sighed, tired. “Look. I have no idea why you accepted when you clearly hate me so much, but you don’t have to stay here. I’ll tell Marcus to pay you for your time spent here and we don’t have to see each other again”

She turned back to her cabin, suddenly exhausted. Her clothes were weighing her down but also her heart. She was suddenly so damn tired.

“I can’t go. Someone has to keep an eye on you” he said closer than she anticipated, he had probably followed her.

“I’m not going to kill myself, Bellamy. It was a stupid accident”

“Stupid accidents can happen twice”

“You don’t need to take care of me” she said finally turning around, almost touching the floor of her cabin.

“Prove it” he dared shrugging as if he wasn’t interested in the conversation, “I’ll stay for another week. We’ll see how that goes”

He went into his cabin making her more confused and tired than before, so she just got into hers. She needed a hot bath before going to bed.

* * *

The next morning she had breakfast outside her cabin while she sketched as always. She had a hungover, but it wasn’t so bad. She just had to wear sunglasses and drink water.

Suddenly Bellamy came outside and sat beside her with a book in hand and no words. She thought it was weird, but he was a weird guy so she just kept sketching while sipping on her tea. He ate his fruits while reading and even though she was still pissed at him she relaxed enough to even forget he was there.

“What are your plans for today?” he asked suddenly.

“Not killing myself, if that’s what you’re worried about” she answered without looking up from her sketch.

“How do you feel about taking a boat and see around the island?”

“I feel like it beats the purpose of not killing myself. I don’t know how to… drive a boat.”

“Well I do”

“Good for you”

“C’mon. Aren’t you interested in knowing how I learnt to drive a boat?”

“A little. But I don’t really care.”

“How about I tell you why I accepted this… job”

That caught her attention enough for her to look at him for the first time since he started talking.

“And all I have to do is sit while you drive the boat?”

“I mean… you could always learn how to do it” he teased with a small smile and that weirded her out.

“You don’t have to suddenly be nice to me, Bellamy. I lost control yesterday but that just happens once every few years. I’ll be fine now, don’t worry”

“Fine. But we’re here for two weeks, aren’t we? I’m not being nice because I pity you. I just realized I was an asshole and now I don’t want to keep being one for the next couple of weeks.”

She regarded him carefully. He wasn’t exactly apologizing, but he was conceding that he was an asshole and honestly she was kind of bored of doing the same day in and day out.

“Fine. You have to ask Paul if we can take a boat, though. They usually used them to fish”

“I’ll arrange it, your highness, no worries”

“Shut up” she said trying to hide a smile blooming on her lips. Maybe she didn’t hate Bellamy as much. At least not when he was nice for a change.

They stayed there on companionable silence, both doing what they were doing previously until Bellamy walked towards the guys working close to the water.

“Good news, your highness, we can use a boat” he said smiling when he came back.

“Can you stop calling me that?”

“Oh, you liked princess better?”

“I hate princess. An asshole ex used to call me that”

“So how should I call you?”

“I have a name, you know”

“Fine. Clarke, will you come with me to the boat?”

“You have to tell me why you said yes, though”

“That’s for later, come on”

She left her sketch on the table and walked behind him to the boat. She really couldn’t reconcile this Bellamy with the asshole that she met. Or the dick that arrived a few days ago, but she wanted to give him a chance, after all he was right. They were stuck in this island together for two weeks and then they had to act like they loved each other.

They got to the boat and he seemed excited, like a kid on Christmas morning. This guy was seriously so strange.

“You’re not trying to kill me yourself, right?”

“Why would I? You’re the one paying me. Maybe after we fake marry each other, then at least I get some money”

“Not if we get a fake prenup”

“Shit, you knew about those?” he said helping her get into the boat.

She couldn’t help but to laugh at his ridiculousness and he smiled proudly. He got into the boat and started rowing. He started giving her directions and suddenly she was doing it too and they were circling the island.

“So? I’m waiting”

“Keep waiting then” he teased looking at the island.

“You said you’d tell me if I came with you”

“But I never said when, did I?”

“C’mon! Don’t be an ass”

“I thought you already thought that about me, nothing changes”

“You’re just impossible. Just when I think you’ll be normal you just keep changing your personality. Maybe you really are a psychopath trying to kill me in the middle of the ocean”

“We’re hardly in the middle of the ocean, Clarke. Plus, I know I’ve been a dick. This is kind of my olive branch. I’ll think of activities to do together so you don’t keep sinking in your sadness”

“I like sinking in my sadness, Bellamy. It’s what gets me to write great songs”

“You write your own songs?”

“It’s not like it’s a secret”

“Yeah… I just…”

“You just didn’t believe it, I get that a lot”

He seemed a little embarrassed, as he should be, but she was kind of happy that he was trying, so she threw him a bone.

“I’ll accept your olive branch, but I don’t need you babysitting me. I told you, it was a moment of weakness, nothing more”

“So you don’t want me to come up with activities or you do?”

“I don’t need you to. Especially not everyday, I’m here on vacation, Bellamy. And I know you think that this is my life, but I haven’t had one in… five years?”

“Why?”

“Tell me your story first”

“Fine, let’s row to the island so we can have some food, though, I’m starving”

They did that and lunch was ready for them, he sat by her side again and she didn’t complain.

“You’re just stalling aren’t you?” she asked after eating in silence for ten minutes.

“How could you tell?” he said looking at his plate still, “Fine. But you have to tell me about your lack of vacations”

“Deal”

“I… I worked my ass off in school. I got my degree a semester in advance so I could be eligible for a Cambridge scholarship that they only give once every three years. I got it, moved my whole life to England for about four years. I would travel on Christmas and summer, but the last summer I got home I realized something was wrong.”

He stopped talking suddenly and she knew why he was so hesitant telling her about it, she wanted to reassure him, but she didn’t know him enough to know how.

He cleared his throat and kept going, “I only needed one more year to finish my dissertation and go back home, but I couldn’t. I had to stay in the US, so I never got my PhD. I lost my scholarship, so now, five years later, I’m finishing it. I’ve contacted St. Edmund college, which is where I studied there, I can finish it but I have to pay it myself. I had a plan, but it fell through, so now I’m here”

That was definitely not the whole story, she knew that, but she also knew that he wasn’t ready to tell her the other parts and she was fine with it. She had that kind of stuff too.

“Is it enough?”

“What?”

“The money we’re paying you. Is it enough?”

“Well, yes. I can stay in the dorm on the college, it won’t be that bad and it’s cheaper than renting a room somewhere in the city. I can get a job as a TA, too. If they let me, because I know I’ve been out of the game for too long. But I can manage.”

She could feel an idea brewing in her brain, this was perfect, he just gave her the perfect excuse to get the hell out of Hollywood.

“You know… I could use a change of scenery”

He looked at her like she was crazy, probably having no idea what she meant.

“I hate LA. I’m also done with Nashville and I’ve never lived in the UK, though I loved it every time I went there on tour…”

“What the fuck are you talking about?”- he interrupted.

“We have to act like lovers, right? Wouldn’t it be the perfect way for me to show my love if I followed you to the UK?”

“And how would that affect me?”

“Well, I’ll probably buy an apartment where you could live. You’ll have to put up with me writing songs, but I’m sure we could soundproof a room in the apartment for me to work in. Stop panicking” she said when she saw the way his eyes were about to leave his skull, “it’s just an idea. We could go out once a month so that they’ll believe we’re still together. It’ll be just like here, where we have our own space but also shared space”

“You hated me like thirty minutes ago. Why do you want to live with me now?”

“Because it’s the only way they’ll let me out of their sight. And I’ll be able to write my own shit without them breathing down my neck wanting me to make “relatable music” instead of cathartic music. It’s far enough for me to have some sort of freedom. It also benefits you”

“Is that why you haven’t had a vacation in five years?”

“You’re like a dog with a bone.” He smiled at that getting him out of the stupor and she rolled her eyes, “yes, five years ago I went through a phase. Some shitty things happened and I buried myself in parties and alcohol. TMZ got some photos of me being drunk and the people lost it. My team forced me to stop and they’ve kept me on a leash since then.”

“You do get a say in what you do, though, right?”

“Kind of. Commercially, yes, I take my own decisions even when I have to fight because I don’t want to show my tits on the album cover or some shit like that. I have control on what I record, but they decide if it’s worth it for the album. But the last few years of my life have been album- tour- album-tour-album-tour. I don’t get out of my house much and when I’m in tour it’s not like I get to walk around the cities I’m visiting.”

“So no vacation for you”

“Exactly”

“Isn’t this exactly what you’ll do, though? Stay inside writing an album?”

“Yes, but I heard there’s not really that many paparazzi in the UK. At least not as much as in the US. I might get away with walking around town with a wig on.”

He laughed at that, but then smiled sweetly at her, which she wasn’t mad about but it sure was weird, “I can see how that may seem appealing to you”

“So? What do you think?”

“I think we should spend the rest of the time in the island getting to know each other without reverting to fighting and then we can think about living together”

“We only fought because you were a dick you know”

“Well you’re not one to back down from a fight so I don’t think it is all entirely my fault”

“It is. I can be delightful to be around”

“We’ll see”

The next few days were like that, they would have breakfast in silence together and then do something fun like a hike or try scuba diving. Afterwards they’ll eat and then relax by the beach.

They liked teasing each other and they learned a lot about each other, like the fact that Clarke hated tuna, and Bellamy hated pineapples. Bellamy told her he loved the Roman and Greek civilizations and pointed every constellation he knew, which meant all of them.

He told her every myth hidden in the stars: Andromeda, Cassiopeia, Ara, Columba and she listened carefully to every single one.

"Now, a constellation suit for you would be Corona Borealis. Corona means crown, FYI."

"I told you not to call me princess."

"And I haven't, either way, this is kind of a romantic story. There's two versions but the one I like the most says that Ariadne, daughter of King Minos helped Theseus leave the labyrinth of the Minotaur because she fell in love with him, but then he abandoned her on an island at the request of Athena.”

"So romantic"

"Let me finish. There, Dionysius found Ariadne and fell in love with her, rescued her and asked her to marry him. She did and as a wedding present, he gave her a crown. When Ariadne died, he put her crown above to always have a memory of her."

"It is quite romantic. And kind of ironic for us."

"What do you mean?"

"Don't you see it? Me, the princess of pop alone on an island crying because her ex betrayed her and then you come as a knight on shiny armor to help me? When are you going to propose?"

Bellamy laughed, a real laugh, making her feel good for being able to get that out of him.

"I can't afford marrying you, princess. I’m broke, I'm sorry."

"Stop calling me that! And at least give a crown, come on."

"Some day" he promised with a smile and she smiled back. She could leave with having him as a fake boyfriend, he wasn't so bad.

It was easier to talk when they were in the dark looking at the sea. It became like a little ritual of theirs to end up their night on the sea shore sharing little tid bits of the other, with the excuse of wanting the other to have information in case someone asked. But it was so much more to Clarke. It was the first time she opened up in this way, this fast, with anyone.

Clarke told him she read medicine books for fun when she was a teenager because her mom was a doctor and she thought that was her future too.

And then, as if a dam had broken, information of their lives starting pouring out of them: first sharing their names stories, because they both had weird names: He told her that her mom had named him Bellamy because that was her mother’s maiden name and Clarke told him that her mom had experienced enough sexism to know that they could reject you from jobs just because you were a woman, so she named her an ambiguous enough name that people would think she was a man before meeting her.

“Of course now everyone knows who I am, so, well thought mom but I managed to screw even that up”

Then, he told her he named Octavia after Augustus’ sister when he was nine and his mother left him pick the name. He told her how Octavia hated her name growing up because nobody else was named like her, until she met a guy named Atom who told her she should embrace individuality.

“He still broke her heart, though.”

Soon enough, Clarke told him about Wells, how they grew up together and he was like a brother to her, how he was by her side when she told her parents she wanted to pursue music and how he always knew what was wrong with her just by looking at her.

He ended up knowing stuff about her that no one did, not Lexa, not Finn, not even Wells. He didn't know everything, because her heart couldn't take being so officially reliant on someone, so she kept a bit to herself. Still, when the daylight came he looked at her the same way as before, albeit a little embarrassed by the things he told her, but never did he judge her and that made her more and more comfortable to open up on the dark.

One night, they were drinking a champagne bottle by the shore and he finally asked what she had anticipated he would when she first mentioned Wells.

“Where’s Wells now?” he sounded tentative, as if he could tell this was a sore subject.

“Six feet under” she responded still looking at the ocean. She could see by her peripheral vision that his head had whipped towards her, but she didn’t want him to see the sadness in her eyes, even if it was dripping from her voice.

“He’s…dead?”

“Yeah. He was black, so of course the police thought that when he called to ask for help, he was the perp. They killed him in his own house, because God forbid a black young man had a big home in Nashville.” She could feel the tears welling in her eyes, because it was always so hard to talk about Wells and the way he was taken away from her.

“Fucking racist cops” he whispered, seeming angry as well. She was glad, because she hated the pity, hated how everyone was sorry about it but no one was mad that we still live in a world where you can get killed just because of your skin color.

“You know what the worst part is?” he nodded and she let out a shaky breath before continuing, “I had to act like that case had nothing to do with me. If I did it would take away from the issue, because I’m the poster girl for the white southern belle. His dad didn’t want me to talk about it and the label didn’t want me to get political. Don’t be like the Dixie Chicks, they said.”

“So you acted like you never met him?”

“Yeah.” She whispered watery, knowing she had already spilled some tears, “They buried our pictures, the ones online. They payed people to not tell anyone we were close and I was so mad. I was so mad at myself for obeying them and not doing anything. My dad was mad too. I like to call that the beginning of the end. That’s when everything started going downhill.”

“When was this?”

“Right before my second album, 2012. The same year of the Sandy Hook massacre. I often wonder if anything would have changed if I said something, if I made his case more high profile”

“You couldn’t have saved them, Clarke. The people that died in shootings after that could’ve been saved by sensible laws. Plus that's two different issues, one has to do with gun laws and what happened to Wells has to do with systemic racism. It's awful and there's a lot to do to change both those issues, but it’s not your job, you’re a singer Clarke, not a politician.”

“That’s what everyone keeps telling me, but it doesn’t make me feel any better”

He put his hand on top of hers, squeezing once before letting her go. It was enough to make her feel a bit better, like she wasn’t alone for once.

“The reason why I had to leave England is because my mother got cancer. She didn’t want me to know and she didn’t let Octavia tell me, she was positive she could live for another year so I could finish my degree. She didn’t even make it a full month since I arrived. That’s why I just left. I had to do so much paperwork because dying is also bureaucratic and I had to take care of my sister. She was seventeen.”

“Is that why you lost your scholarship?”

“Yeah, I didn’t have the time or mind space to worry about filling forms. There was a lot of bureaucracy in England and if I had filled a few ones maybe they would let me come back a few years later, but I had no idea when I would be able to go back. The plan was for me to end it and get a good job that would allow Octavia to go to school because she wasn’t as much into reading as I was so she wasn’t getting a scholarship.”

“So you went back to the US to work?”

“Yeah. I got a job as a high school teacher. I paid our bills and got her into school. Imagine my surprise when she became Instagram famous and decided to drop out of college to get into modeling.”

“That must’ve been hard”

“It was the worst fight we had ever had. But she wasn’t happy in school, she wasn’t a scholar like me. She was into working out and she’s beautiful, she wanted to take advantage of that. And she did”

“Can I ask you a personal question?”

“I don’t know if you noticed, but everything about this conversation is pretty personal”

“Yeah… I just… you talk about Octavia a lot. But I’ve never seen you talk to Octavia since we got here.”

“She’s going through something and she doesn’t want me there with her, so. Here I am”

“Why wouldn’t she want you there with her? You’re her brother”

“That’s not enough apparently. I can’t tell you everything, because it’s not my story to tell. But she blames me for something. She doesn’t want me to be around until she’s forgiven me so…” he cleared his throat and bumped her shoulder with his, “you should be thankful, really, she was supposed to pay for my tuition, pay me back for paying for her school before she dropped out… you wouldn’t have me here is it wasn’t for that”

“That’s messed up. She still owes you for that, no matter what you did”

“Well… she disagrees.” She really didn’t get it and she was really pissed on his behalf, and he seemed to pick up on it so he tried to distract her, “you know, when I met you I hated all your privilege. O was just there because a brand payed her to wear her jewelry and we needed the money at the time if she was paying for me to go back to England. I hated that you were there just having a good time and having so much money.”

“I wasn’t the only millionaire in the room, why me?”

“I was invited to your table. And they had just released that Forbes list and you were at the top. They said you came from money, so, it wasn’t a big change”

“It was, though. We never had as much money as I did when I got into music. But Forbes doesn’t know the size of my wallet, Bellamy. I don’t have as much money as they believe”

“You own a private island, Clarkey” he teased bumping their shoulders once more.

“It’s not mine. It’s Wells’ dad’s. He and my mom were friends since college, that’s how we met. He’s the owner of a big car’s company, he’s got more money than me.”

“Really? A car company makes more money than a pop superstar?”

“No. but he doesn’t give away as much. I mean, I’m still a millionaire, don’t get me wrong. But my mom’s a surgeon in a big hospital. I’m constantly paying for “pro-bono” surgeries. I also donate to a lot of causes. LGBTQ+, rehabilitation centers, education centers, planned parenthood. I don’t really know if I’m still going to do this my whole life so I try to be prepared for my future, you know? I keep fifty percent of the money I make on tour. I give away the rest”

“That’s… unexpected.” He seemed to think it over and looked at her with more curiosity, “What about the money for the music? That must be a lot too, right?”

“It’s really not. Most of it goes to the label and to pay the producers and other songwriters. I use that money to live, day to day and fifteen percent of the money I keep is to pay my manager, marketing team, band and dancers all year round, five percent is to pay my fair share of taxes and my bills for the three houses I own and if I still got something left from that I’ll buy myself something. It’s been that way for the last five years and it’s worked.”

“And how are you planning on buying the apartment in Cambridge?”

“I can get money out of the bank for that, Bellamy, don’t worry. It’s an investment so if I ever need money I know I can just sell it”

He mulls it over, she knows it’s a lot to take in, especially because she can just give so much money and live with a small percentage, so he must know it’s a lot that she’s gathered and he’s probably judging her. She wouldn’t really blame him, he had to sacrifice his career for money, so she knew he didn’t come from much.

“That means your bank account must be big. I’m not feeling really guilty now for the amount of money you’re paying me” he teases with a grin and she can feel herself relax.

“Don’t, the job you’re doing here is much needed” she replied sourly, she really didn’t want to get out of the island and face the world.

“How did you end up in this position anyway?”

“Well… an upcoming artist called the label, asked boldly if she could write a song with me, said she was my fan. I liked that she was so straightforward and I said I’d like to meet her first. I liked her, but I thought she was hetero so I didn’t push, just met her with friendly expectations, although something told me she really wasn’t. By the third time we met she kissed me and I knew I was right. I liked her and we started being together just like that, after that kiss.

We spent all of our time together so it wasn’t that weird to hear her on the phone with her manager sometimes, he asked her how things were going with me and she tried to shut him up, but he said he hoped I had taken enough photos to promote her next single on Instagram. That should’ve sent me as far away from her as possible, but she was really persuasive”

“That’s a really big red flag to ignore, though.”

“I know. I… I don’t know. She told me it started that way but things changed and that she was falling for me and I knew I was falling for her so I just shrugged it off, thought that’s what happens on the business regularly so I just stayed with her. We were together five months, until TMZ managed to get a picture of us kissing.”

“I saw that, a few weeks ago. Your team said it was photoshoped”

“It wasn’t. She told me she couldn’t come out yet and that she needed space. I was so sad, gutted really. I loved her. But then her team called my team saying that if we owned up to it she’d said I kissed her and I’d be a predator for the world to pry on. So, we needed a pretend boyfriend to sell that it wasn’t true.”

“Was it your idea?”

“Hell nah. I usually work with my team on every aspect of my career but this was… this was something else. And I’m tired. I just like to sing and give my art to the world and hopefully make some money out of it, but I’m so sick of lying and hiding and making up with stupid plans and marketing strategies. For once I let them do it alone and they come up with a fake relationship. The most cliché thing on the book.”

“It really is not. Not in real life.”

“Ah, but this is not real life, Bellamy. This is the music industry, most of it it’s fake.”

He nods and takes a sip of wine and she does too. After a while she can fell herself dozing off and then be carried away, the way her father did when she fell asleep on the couch when she was little, it was nice having someone around, for a change.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I just wanted to say that I wrote this several months ago, I had no idea that the BLM movement would get so big, when I wrote this I just wanted to give light to an issue I thought was important, there's some other instances in the fic where I'll do the same but it is no way something to appear "woke" just because it's trendy to support a movement right now. People are already forgetting about it and honestly that makes me really sad and upset. Because of what's been going on in the world and in the fandom it's been hard for me to keep writing, but I'm going to upload every week the chapters I still have and then we'll see from there. Hope everyone's okay.


	3. Phoenix

The week was over and she was an anxious mess. She couldn’t fit everything into her suitcase, even though it used to have space to spare and she hadn’t acquired new clothes, but she didn’t care enough to try and fit everything so she just left some clothes on the cabin.

She came out with her suitcase and Bellamy was already there, expecting her with his backpack on and she took a deep breath.

“Kane said there are going to be paparazzi on the airport, so we must be prepared. We’ll only have to hold hands from the plane to the car they got us, nothing else.”

“I get it Clarke, I signed up for this, remember? Hand holding, hugs and maybe a kiss someday. It’s fine, I get it. We’re not going to be Shawn Mendes and Camila Cabello, kissing in front of every camera.”

“I know… I just… I’ve never done this.” She confessed playing with her hands, trying to occupy herself with something.

“It’s alright. Me neither” he replied with a smile, making her feel much better already, she should really thank Kane for thinking about inviting Bellamy to the island, their relationship started rocky but now she felt like she could really trust him and as much as that scared her, she had also missed that feeling.

“I know. Thank you for doing this” she said afraid she was letting slip too much feeling into it.

“Thank you for considering me, you’re helping me go back to college, remember?”

She smiled and then they had to get to the heliport and suddenly she was getting nervous again, but he squeezed her knee and she could breathe a little easier knowing that she wasn’t going through this alone.

They got to an airport on the mainland. It was quiet and not many people were there, so probably the paparazzi would be on LA. Either way, Bellamy helped her out the helicopter and didn’t let her hand go until they were on the private plane. It was soothing.

She was afraid things would change outside of their secluded sea shore, but he smiled at her the same, looked at her the same and had the same gentle strength she had come to cherish on the island. She could breath a little easier with him by her side, knowing that her reality hadn't changed their relationship that much.

She was getting ready mentally to the meeting she had as soon as they got to LA. Bellamy would go home so he could work on his paperwork to go back to Cambridge and she had to work out the other details with Kane and the rest of the team.

Bellamy would come see her next week and probably a few pictures would get taken of him getting into her house, but after that they weren’t seeing each other until they move in together in a month and a half. Because school would start on two months for Bellamy and they wanted to get there early enough to be familiar with the city.

He fell asleep on her shoulder, a little over two hours after the take off and she couldn’t help but to feel giddy that someone would just touch her in public without asking. She was seriously touch deprived, but also it kind of felt forbidden in some kind of way, she had hid her relationships too long. This was reeling and left her with a smile on her face because she knew how stupid it would sound to anyone if she told them.

When they got to the airport in LA she realized she had fallen asleep on top of his head and even though her neck hurt she smiled widely at him and he did the same, with his eyes partially shut and stained with sleep. She surprised herself thinking how beautiful he was. But then someone was telling them to get out of the plane and se could recover from the thought quickly.

They held hands once they were out of the stairs because that would’ve looked awkward and she tried to relax and even cracked a joke at him so he’d smile before getting into the car. That would be a cute photo, she thought. Surprising herself yet again.

“My heart was pounding and I didn’t even see them” he said closing his eyes.

“They’re there. Kane made sure of it. But yeah, this is easy compared to having them at your face.”

“Do you ever get used to it?”

“Not really. It gets easier to ignore or to handle, but you never actually get used to it, especially when you just spent so much time away from this circus.”

They changed to lighter topics and said goodbye with a hug when they took his to his house, after all they had spent two whole weeks together every single day, almost all day. He had grown on her and she hoped she did too.

After that it was finally time to get to Kane, who was ready on the office, alongside the rest of the team.

“Welcome back to reality, Clarke.” He greeted before hugging her and she smiled on the embrace, Kane usually had a soothing effect on her.

“Thank you. What do you have for me?”

“Well, we found something with your specifications, nothing flashy, close to Bellamy’s college and safe. We’ve had to do some tweaking but everything came together like… literally thirty minutes ago.” He explained smiling.

“I can’t wait to see what it is”

“It’s an old three story building, huge, it’s been divided into three units with four rooms each. It doesn’t have a fence, but we’ll put blinded windows and the house looks really beautiful, there’s pictures and even a video.”

“Okay, will we live alone in the three units?”

“No, you and Bellamy get the one in the middle, Harper and Miller will live on the one on the right and Monty and his friend Jasper will live on the other one.”

“Monty?”

“We needed someone else to fill the space and since you said Harper was dating Monty I asked her what his degree was, made some calls and now he has a girlfriend and a job in Cambridge, so, it wasn’t really hard to make the decision of moving there.”

She was speechless for a second, but then “So, the six of us will live there… but only Monty will have to really work there?”

“I’m assuming Bellamy is going to take some TA work there as well, we won’t make Harper and Miller pay for rent, because they are there working, however we will ask them to train Monty’s friend in case something happens, we want him to be prepared. Monty said he’s down for it, whatever that means.”

“That means he’ll do it.” She explained with a smile. “So, Monty will be paying rent?”

“Yes. Not much, really, we just want that money to cover the house bills for the three of you.” Clarke nodded and Kane smiled, “so, the people will be leaving the building by the end of the month and then we can start putting furniture and working on modernizing it a little.”

“Show me that video, I’ll have some suggestions.”

Kane gave her his iPad and she loved the house, all of it. It was cozy, looked like real people lived in there and her and Bellamy could have a floor each, with a bedroom and another room to do whatever they wanted. Each floor had its own bathroom as well and they even had a small terrace.

“You seem to like it”

“I love it! Please leave it like this, ask Bellamy how many books he has, we’ll probably have to buy the same number of bookcases. Also I want to make my extra room an art studio, to paint and play some music. I’ll probably take the third floor, so if I’m playing the guitar Bellamy can read on his own floor or even the first one, so if you can soundproof it that’d be ideal. Oh but I want a piano on the first floor, I don’t want you guys to drag it to the third floor.”

“Okay, so Bellamy gets the second floor for himself, noted. We’ll try to fit a piano in the first floor…”

“How about by the door? Where a bookcase is? It doesn’t have to be a huge piano and we’ll have enough space for Bellamy’s books on the other bookcases and even if we don’t he could put one on his room.

“Yeah, that’s a good idea. I’ll see how we manage. Anything else you want to add?”

“I can’t think of anything, maybe a couple of terrace couches?”

“Great. We’ll see what we can do, you know it rains a lot in England, but I’m sure we can find something that’s waterproof”

“That’d be great. Thanks, Kane.”

“Anything for my superstar. Any new songs I should know about?”

“Not really. I’ll probably start writing once I’m settled there, the next album should be about love, since it’ll be about Bellamy supposedly, but I don’t think I’m ready for that yet.”

“Okay, no pressure. You can have as much time as you need.”

“Great.”

(This is the house that inspired the design in case you want to check it out.)

* * *

The next few weeks were slow, she and Bellamy texted and occasionally would call each other, sometimes Bellamy wanted to vent about this whole process, about the paparazzi outside his house, about the whole moving back to another place.

Sometimes Clarke would talk about hating the huge mansion where she lived with Harper and Miller, she’d tell him how she hated being alone so she gave them rooms to both on them to live here under the excuse of being afraid of stalkers, which was kind of true.

He came to see her once, he was pale when he got inside and ended up drinking a lot on wine with her. He also stayed the night, on one of the five guestrooms, but obviously the paparazzi outside didn’t know that.

She packed everything she thought she’d need for a whole year overseas feeling giddy, dying to get to the house she saw on the video, it was so strange to everyone around her that she wanted so much to have a normal life, when everyone would kill for her ten million dollar mansion, but they didn’t understand.

She’d never had something normal, she always had money, always had people working for her, she only started cooking because she was bored and she still didn’t know how to cook many things, so this was a new beginning for her, a step down would joke Bellamy, but a new step nevertheless.

Her mother came to say goodbye the last day and also to meet Bellamy, she still wasn’t happy with the whole fake boyfriend thing but meeting the guy she was going to live with did give her some peace of mind.

“He seems like a good boy, I like him. But if he does something to you…”

“Don’t worry mom, he could’ve on the island and he never even looked at me weird, or I’d say something.”

“Okay, good. Now, give me a hug before you leave for a whole year.”

“It’s the same as when I go on tour, you’re just being dramatic.”

“No, I’m not. I always miss you.”

They hugged until they heard someone clearing his throat. Clarke turned around and she saw a very awkward Bellamy.

“Sorry to interrupt, but the car’s here.”

“Okay, thank you.” She turned to her mom and hugged her tighter before letting go.

“Bellamy, wait” called her mother, making both Clarke and Bellamy look at her surprised, but her eyes were trained on him. She walked towards him and hugged him tight as well, he froze. “Take care of each other.” She said once she let him go and she knew Bellamy didn’t know how to react, just nodded curtly and her mom did as well.

“Yes, ma’am”

There were paparazzi in the airport, as expected and Bellamy took it better this time, even smiling when someone screamed that they made a hot couple. Clarke smiled as well and maybe some blush was on her cheeks. She would not deny nor confirm anything.

They got into the private plane and she could feel Bellamy relaxing, he had put up a good front, because he was obviously not as composed as he made it seem.

“You did good, Bellamy.”

“Thanks. They scream the weirdest things.”

“Oh, yeah, they try to rail you up so they can sell a picture of you losing it.”

“Yeah, they keep asking if we had a threesome with Lexa. By the way, is that her real name?”

“No, that’d be cool. Her real name is Alexa.”

“Like Amazon’s Alexa?”

“Yeah…” she laughed a little. “She hated that thing, she said it was because it made us lazier, but I knew it was because of the name.”

“I bet.”

“Betting on a private plane? I already like you guys.” Said Monty’s friend: Jasper. They had seen pictures of him, but never met him.

“Bellamy, nice to meet you” greeted Bellamy taking his hand.

“Jasper” he responded taking his hand and then he took his attention to Clarke with a mischievous glint in his eyes, “and you are obviously Miley Cyrus.”

“Ha ha. Clarke.”

“I bet you don’t get confused often.”

“That’d be a very safe bet.”

“Talking about bets, let’s play some cards, shall we?” asked Miller joining them.

“You always lose, Miller” said Harper behind him, holding hands with Monty, who only smiled and waved generally.

“Then why wouldn’t you like to play with me? It’s a ten hour flight, just to get to London and then we get to Cambridge. Couldn’t have you chosen a closer place to go to school?”

“Couldn’t have you chosen another career path?”

“Yeah, but I like working for Clarke, mostly.”

“Hey! You love me and you know it.”

“Yeah, I’ll love you more if I get a boyfriend there.”

“I'll see what I can do”

They played cards, eat and then slept until they got to London. Clarke and Bellamy had to hold hands and lean on each other, because Jasper and Monty were not informed that their relationship was false and they didn’t seem to notice anything.

Then on the way to Cambridge they talked excitedly about their new life and how different it all would be.

“I thought I’d never be able to come back” whispered Bellamy on her ear and she squeezed his hand.

“But you were and now we have our own house and everything.”

“Did I thank you?” he asked on her ear, probably because he didn’t want the others to hear but knowing that didn’t do anything to diminish the blush on her cheeks.

“You haven’t. You can do it tomorrow, by making breakfast.” She whispered back, trying to sound unaffected.

“Sounds like you have thought about it” she could hear the grin on his voice, making her smile.

“I’ve been dying to try your blueberry pancakes since you mentioned them”

“Aright, then.”

“Hey lovebirds, how about we celebrate tonight on our house” called Jasper from the seat in front of them and they separated instantly. She knew she looked like she was caught on something, even though she was supposed to be with Bellamy, but she feared looking at Harper.

“Yeah, lovebirds” said the blonde and Clarke cursed herself for letting her feelings show in her face, “let’s go to the nerds’ house to get wasted tonight.”

“You think that’ll be safe?” she asked with her most serious face.

“No paparazzi know we’re here and if there's a safe day it’s definitely today, before they see Bellamy or you on the streets”.

“Oh yeah, I forgot they actually recognize me now.”

“Don’t be a crybaby, they usually talk good shit about you.”

“They do?” asked Clarke, she never read the gossip magazines or websites, that usually ended up badly for her mental state.

“Yeah, they say he’s way hotter than Finn and that he could probably ask his sister for contacts to be a model.”

“That’s bullshit, I bet Kane paid them to write that.”

“He hasn’t mentioned anything like that and if he had paid I’m sure he would tell me” replied Clarke, very sure of herself, because Bellamy was seriously hotter than Finn.

“Face it, Blake, you’re hot. Now put on your seatbelts, we’re about to land”

“Fuck you, Miller.” Mumbled Bellamy with a very blushed face and Clarke couldn’t help but to smile and then when she realized that Jasper and Monty were watching she dared kiss him on his cheek, making it even redder.

* * *

The house was ready to move in, they could fit the piano and Bellamy’s books were already on the bookcases. They only had to see their rooms and they both walked upstairs with their suitcases, slowing them down a bit.

They saw Bellamy’s room first, it had a queen size bed, a couple of other bookcases, a TV and a big closet. He clearly liked it by the look on his face.

“Let’s go see your study room” said Clarke when she saw he didn’t move after getting inside his room.

“Okay”

The other room had a desk, some drawers and another bookcase, this one was the only empty one in the house.

“I can’t believe I’m saying this, but you’ll need some new books, apparently.”

“That’s… great news” he whispered, a little chocked up and before Clarke could comment on it he turned around and hugged her tightly. “Thank you so much for this”

“Bellamy, I didn’t do anything”

“Yes, you did. I never told them I wanted this room to have a separate space to study or read, I never told them to get me a desk or so many bookcases. You’re doing this to make it easier for me and it’s… it’s a lot to take in, actually.”

“It’s the least I could do. You’re my fake boyfriend, you deserve it for having to deal with the paparazzi and the articles calling you hot, I mean what a torture. Right?”

“Shut up. Plus, you’re already paying me for that. This is all just because you’re too nice and you shouldn't because I was a dick to you before.”

“You already apologized for that, Bellamy. Let’s move on, now.” She finally pulled away from him, just enough to see his face. “C’mon, let’s go see my room”

They both smiled and went to the third floor. Clarke’s room had a king size bed, a huge closet and a vanity, while her art room had a lot of paintings, canvases, brushes and a sofa with her guitar by it’s side.

“When I met you I would’ve never imagine that something as simple as this would make you smile as much” he teased walking towards her sofa.

“This house is just perfect! It doesn’t even matter that I won’t be able to get out because I love it here.”

“I mean, you could always wear a disguise”

“Yeah, maybe. We’ll see what we can do about that.”

“Are you really happy with a house this small? You used to live on a mansion… with help and shit… wait, we are not getting help right?”

“No, I figured you’d feel weird if we did and they could spill the beans about us, maybe work around an NDA.”

“Yeah… it’s safer.” She was about to say something else but then her phone rang. “Harper just texted me, she said they’re going to buy stuff for our party in an hour. Would you like to go with them?”

“I mean, yeah, but you’ll have to be alone”

“I’ll work on knowing where everything is so we can have a smooth first party. I’ll unpack, too.”

“Okay, tell her I know where the cheap stuff is.”

“Great.”

* * *

“Hello Hannah Montana!” screamed someone, probably Jasper, the moment they crossed the door.

Clarke smiled and walked out of the kitchen, “I still don’t know if I like you”

“Oh, you’ll love me, just give it some time” he winked at her lifting up two wine bottles and Clarke could only laugh at his antics.

“Ignore him, he believes he’s so cool now because he’s neighbors with a pop star”

“Super star, Monty” reprimanded Harper, “she’s more than a pop star nowadays”

“Let’s just not talk about that shit and drink, ‘kay?”

“Whatever you say, superstar” teased Bellamy putting his arm around her and kissing her temple. She smiled at him and scrunched her nose.

She really liked how different he was now compared with the guy she first met.

“Do you guys have bowls to put chips in?” asked Miller, trying not to smile at them, obviously knowing they were putting on a show.

“Yeah, I put some on the table, we should all go drink there”

They all went to the kitchen, started drinking and playing stupid games. Later Jasper offered some of his weed and they all ended up on the terrace giggling and freezing.

“How did you guys snuck weed?” asked Harper, wide eyed. “We just got here today”

“I made little bags that looked like bags of tea. Plus, I knew that they wouldn’t be as hard on us as they’re on commoners. We’re with Lady Gaga here!”

“Oh, shut the fuck up” muttered Clarke rolling her eyes and trying to hide her smile, but he really was growing on her.

“And just because of that we’re skipping you, here, Miller, my sweet friend”

“Call me sweet again and I’ll deck you, Jas.” Threatened Miller before smoking and then passing the joint immediately to Clarke.

“That’s why you’re my favorite bodyguard”

“Hey!” screamed Harper while slapping Clarke’s leg.

“You’re my favorite assistant, babe”

“But I’m your only assistant. It doesn’t count”

“Fine, you’re my favorite assistant slash bodyguard”

“Fuck you, that’s the same”

“I’m sorry, I’m high!”

They started laughing and suddenly Bellamy was laughing on her shoulder, she hadn’t realized it but they were snuggling together on a couch and she wasn’t mad at it. She decided she could indulge in it and got closer to Bellamy.

“This shit’s strong” mumbled Bellamy on her ear sending a shiver down her spine, which was totally unexpected and did kind of scare her.

“I haven’t had one of these in like three years. Everything’s strong to me” she stated trying to sound as natural as possible.

“Why? I thought superstars’ lives were full of party, alcohol and drugs?”

“Been there, done that. Couldn’t keep doing it anymore”

“Why?”

“It leaves you empty”

He stayed quiet for a few minutes, still with his face to her shoulder so she couldn’t see his face but she could bet he was somewhat sad. Clarke didn’t know if he was like that because of her or something else, but she had the gut feeling that it had something to do with Octavia.

“And what drove you to do it?” he finally spoke, voice raspy.

“Grief” she responded truthfully and Bellamy finally pulling away to see her face. His eyebrows had gone up, hiding behind his fringe and she knew her sadness was as obvious as his had been just a few moments prior. “My dad” she clarified.

“How did you got out?”

“Raven, the only friend I got who I don’t pay” she whispered before smiling to him, he was smiling sadly at her, “She’s not available for months at a time, so when she left things were kind of fine and then it all crumbled and I did too. She came to see me one day and I was covered in vomit and my house was a mess. She put me in the shower with cold water and my clothes still on and yelled at me until I was sobbing”

“That’s… harsh”

“It did the trick, though. I needed someone to put me back in my place, I was too used to everyone saying yes to everything I said. Everyone kissing my ass all the time, enabling me to go down an awful path that I may have never recovered from. She saved me and when I finally came out of the shower she also held me until I fell asleep.”

“I’d like to meet her”

“Someday, when she’s not busy figuring out the mysteries of the universe”

“That wasn’t pragmatic at all” he teased grinning and for the first time since she met him she had the impulse to kiss him.

She stopped herself and pulled away, he was just magnetizing, it wasn’t her fault. He was gorgeous, understood her, liked her and was very close to her, anyone as drunk and high as her would get the impulse to kiss him. Right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked the chapter, I added a few notes that I forgot to post on the last chapter as well as editing some that I had already bot somehow it didn't end up on the chapter, it was when they were talking about Wells. I wrote this fic and that chapter probably four months ago, so I had no idea how the world would end up as now and I like to think this is a different timeline with no corona and just a how things would go in that place. Oh, since Clarke's career is so much like Taylor's I'm pretending like she doesn't exist lol so that's not a name you'll hear from Jasper.  
> Ah and the house, let's pretend it's three houses that look the same on the inside and that are far away from the other houses on the street.  
> Let me know what you think, I'm thinking it's going to be about 10 chapters, but it can vary. Anyway, have a nice day!


	4. Scorpious

They start their new life together, at first it was very uncomfortable to be around each other’s spaces so Clarke tried to be out of Bellamy’s space. He’d usually read either in his studio, as he’d call it jokingly or out in the terrace. She’d paint either in her art room or in their terrace. Sometimes they did their own activities together, other times, they enjoyed being alone.

They usually had dinner together, either Bellamy cooked or Clarke asked for delivery, but they did have some time to talk and be together at least once a day.

But then Bellamy starts his classes and he becomes increasingly grumpier, Clarke asks him many times what’s wrong but he never answers, just mumbles a “nothing” under his breath and leaves the room she’s in. Which is weird.

She starts watching Netflix in the afternoon, mostly so he’d come sit with her and sometimes he does that, he’d talk to her as if everything’s okay and then goes to the kitchen and he’s grumpy again. With week two of this happening she’s had enough, one morning she woke up feeling lazier than usual. She goes to the kitchen, gets her bowl of cereal and just lounges on the couch while watching tv.

He comes downstairs with a scowl already on his face and she just wants to punch him. Maybe it’s the PMS, maybe it’s just his face, but she’s just annoyed and mad now.

“Can you just fucking tell me what’s wrong?”

“What are you talking about?” he mumbles without looking at her.

“Bellamy, you’re so mad you can’t even look at me. Just fucking tell me what’s wrong.”

“No.”

“No?”

“No.”

“Oh, my God. You’re acting like a baby.”

“I’m acting like a baby? For fuck’s sake, Clarke. Your cereal bowls from the last three breakfasts are still on the sink! I’m not your fucking nanny.”

Taken aback she puts her cereal down and walks towards him, anger growing steady. “I never fucking said you were. I’ll do them when I feel like it.”

“You’re such a slob! Your shoes are everywhere, your clothes, your art supplies! You have a whole fucking floor to be messy, why do you have to drag the whole house with you?”

“Well, thanks for enlightening me, Bellamy. I’ll make damn sure to only use my fucking floor!” she yells before stomping to the stairs. She knows everyone heard their fight, the walls are thin enough that yelling comes through them and she’s humiliated that he’s scream her faults like that for the world to hear.

Her face is burning with hot tears, fucking PMS. She knew that living with someone new was hard, but this was too much. This may be what breaks her resolve and she might just end up back in LA.

He doesn’t come behind her and that actually makes her hurt even more, she likes Bellamy and even though he can be a douche sometimes she does care what he thinks of her and he made it perfectly clear that she’s not good enough for his standards.

She slammed the door of her room and then got into her bed to keep crying some more. Her period was supposed to come the next day and that was usually the worst day for her, so really she was just suffering in advance this month. She knew she’d cry the next day as well.

She was so mad she forgot her phone and her cereals, but she really didn’t feel like walking back there so she did the next better thing she could think of: sleep.

She didn’t know how long she slept but she woke up to the soft knock on her already opened door of Harper.

“Hey” she whispered walking inside with paper bags.

“Hey, what are you doing here?”

“Well, I guess you already figured out that me and Miller heard the whole thing this morning, but then we didn’t hear anything else and you weren’t answering your phone so I pictured you didn’t make up.”

“No, I just fell asleep.”

“Which I also figured, so, here’s lunch.” She offered her the bag, which had sushi in it and the good kind too.

“You’re literally my savior.” Thanked Clarke before hugging her, already hearing her stomach rumble.

“It’s okay. I know you, but I hadn’t heard you yell like that since…”

“Since the last time I yelled at my mom. Yeah, I know.”

“What’s going on?”

“It’s the hormones and… I don’t know” she whispered before putting the first piece on her mouth. “This is delicious, Harper, you’re the best”

“You say that like I don’t know it.” she teased smiling and Clarke smiled back. “I’m serious, though. You’re not one to lash out”.

“I guess I’ve been repressing my emotions a lot lately? I don’t know. Maybe it’s Bellamy. I yelled at him on the island as well, so, it hasn’t been as long for me since the last time I yelled at someone.”

“He really gets under your skin.”

“He’s… he’s just…” she stopped eating because an idea came to her and she didn’t like admitting it one bit, “he’s just right, I guess” she whispered.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean… I wouldn’t have eaten unless you brought me food. I don’t cook, I just eat sandwiches and leave the dishes everywhere and I’m used to people picking up after me. He’s right and I hate that he is. You just kind of proven his point…”

“You’ve done this for me before, Clarke. It’s not like I’m your maid.”

“That doesn’t deny the fact that I’m a slob.”

“So why didn’t you apologize and said you’d do better?”

“Because I just realized… I was just so mad and… he’s so frustrating Harp. I can’t stop being mad at him, even now.”

“Clarke, I didn’t want to say anything before because you looked happier than you did in months, even in those months when you were in love, but you seem to be real comfortable with him. Are you sure it’s a good idea to have him as your fake boyfriend?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean… he’s handsome and you guys understand each other and you’re comfortable hugging, snuggling and holding hands and sometimes when you think no one’s watching you look at him without holding anything back. It’s like you have your guard down with him, that’s new.”

“I don’t know what you mean, Harp. We’re friends, we lived together on an island and we told each other stuff, we’re comfortable and I’d rather have someone I’m comfortable with by my side than a model that I won’t want to hold hands with.”

“That’s the thing. You want to hold hands with him.”

“No, I don’t. C’mon. I’m not ready to fall for someone, at all.”

“Clarke, I say this because I’m your friend and I love you.” She took Clarke’s hands and then a deep breath, “I think you’re more ready than you realize and I don’t know if you’re falling for him, but at the very least, you like him.”

“That’s absurd. We just had a screaming match!”

“That’s what I mean, when do you let your emotions overtake you like that? Other than when you’re feeling something you don’t usually feel?”

“I…It’s been barely three months since Lexa, I’ve known him for two, I can’t possibly like him. Not like that.”

“Okay, I believe you. Eat now.”

Clarke finished her sushi while Harper told her stories about Monty and Jasper doing crazy shit around town and she could almost forget about what she said earlier.

Because she knew Bellamy was attractive and she knew she was comfortable around him, but that didn’t mean she had deeper feelings for him, he was her friend and an asshole sometimes and he did rile her up, but nothing more.

He left to see Miller, according to a text Harper got, so the two of them went down stairs to make dinner and Clarke finally did the dishes she had on the sink. She did have a fair amount of her stuff on the floor or on top of things and she could see why he was mad, but she didn’t know why he didn’t say anything sooner. She would’ve stopped.

They finished cooking and Harper volunteer to do the dishes while Clarke got her stuff to her floor and afterwards they said goodbye and went to their respective beds.

Clarke couldn’t sleep, though, so she went to her art room and started painting on the moonlight. She painted the whole canvas a dark gray and then started incorporating black and white. Little strokes of black first and then little white stars. She didn’t know how but she remembered some of the constellations Bellamy pointed out to her, so she put them in the canvas, then, some blue stars mirroring the white ones, kind of making it out of focus.

She didn’t know why she felt like painting that but the whole time a melancholic melody was in her mind and a single phrase repeated on her “I don’t need anyone” sometimes it was calmed and collected and then sometimes it felt like a little kid screaming it. But then another phrase came to her mind “I just need everyone and then some”.

Because she did, she needed Bellamy’s support, Harper’s kindness, the world’s validation. She was a pop star singer, for fuck’s sake. She lived for validation, even though she fought against wanting it with her whole heart.

She started playing the melody on the guitar when the painting was done and then sad lyrics came, it wasn’t the angry song she thought she’d end up writing, mostly because she wasn’t angry anymore, she felt sad.

Because she didn’t realize she had come to relay so much in Bellamy and if Harper hadn’t pointed out how comfortable she was with him, she would be okay, without processing her feelings, just repressing them. Ignoring them.

Because she couldn’t afford to have them, she couldn’t have a happy love story with Bellamy. It would be too messy and complicated, he was a regular everyday person, he didn’t want to live surrounded by cameras and she had too much baggage from past relationships.

“I left my daydreams at the gate because I just can't take 'em too  
Know my heart still has a suitcase, but I still can't take it through”

But in the darkness she could imagine what that happy love story could be, him carrying her through her breakdowns, her blackouts, like in the island. Kissing him in the mezzanine of her apartment in New York or under the shelter of the balcony in La.

Feel him in her veins, let him see her from inside out, find common ground between their madly different lives. She could imagine all of that, and let it go. Make peace with it and let it slip through her fingers.

She stayed writing and playing for hours, even after she heard Bellamy had come home and went to sleep. She needed to finish her song, she knew the song was tied to the painting and she knew if she didn’t finish it she wouldn’t be able to get the lyrics again, they were at her grasp, she just needed to put them in order.

Her muse left her after three hours and the song was completed. Her fingertips hurt, but she found lyrics that rhymed and tried to be vague enough to keep some privacy to herself.

She went to bed, exhausted this time and slept what felt like years. But it weren’t years and her period came exactly when it should with pain and coldness and even some nausea. She hated when it was like that.

She had a really hot shower, without getting her hair wet because that would only make her colder and then went back to bed. She knew Bellamy would judge her for not even trying to make herself some breakfast, but she didn’t care about it.

All the anger was gone, all that was left was sadness. She thought he was her friend but he kept hiding what bothered him and then yelled at her and thought the worst of her. Even though it was kind of true, she was still sad. She had a right to be, damn it.

She was also sad because she felt like in another life, they could’ve been something more than just friends, but that was neither here nor there. She made peace with it and she was moving on.

She knew she needed to eat, but she didn’t feel like bothering Harper and Miller and she didn’t want to leave the warmth of her bed, so she just stayed there, until Bellamy came knocking on her door.

“Clarke? Are you okay?” he asked through the door.

“No, go away” she responded turning away from the door.

“Hey, I’m sorry. Can I come in?”

“I said go away” she said a little louder and honesty she didn’t want to scream again but she might.

“I don’t want to fight, Clarke, c’mon. Let’s be mature people.”

She huffed and turned to the door again. “If you wanted to be mature you would’ve told me you were mad instead of keep being mad for no apparent reason.”

“I know! Okay, fuck it, I’m coming in” he opened the door and she glared at him from the bed, “I fucked up, I know, I’m sorry. I should’ve told you, but I was afraid you’d just say you need to hire help because you’re not used to it or that you’d fire me.”

She scowled at that and got angry again “thank you for letting me know how lowly you think of me.” She spat before turning again, she wanted to cry, but she didn’t want him to see. Fucking hormones.

“Ugh, c’mon it’s not like that. I know you’re not an entitled white kid but… I have trust issues, ‘kay? It’s not your fault. Please come down stairs.”

“No.”

“Okay, I know you’re acting like yesterday me to piss me off, but I already apologized, I’m not going to beg.”

“I don’t want you to beg, I want you to leave me alone.”

“You haven’t eaten Clarke, it’s two pm.”

“I’ll survive”

“Why are you being like this?”

“BECAUSE I’M IN PAIN!” she yelled, regretting it instantly, now everyone knew. “Fuck.” She covered her face with her hands to avoid him seeing the tears that were already spilling.

“Are you sick?” he asked worried, moving towards her immediately and she kind of hated him and liked him more at the same time.

“No, it’s my period. It’s a pain in the ass…,” she whispered defeated, but then anger came back and she couldn’t stop the word vomiting while she wiped the tears off of her face “and in my uterus and my back. I also get really cold and there’s nausea. So, no, I don’t want to go downstairs to freeze and I don’t want to eat because I’m afraid I might puke.”

“Oh… shit. I’m sorry. Alright, wait.”

That was not the reaction she thought she’d get, but he went downstairs running. She didn’t think her bodily functions would send him running, but fine. She could live with him being a classic dude, at least it was quiet now.

But five minutes later he returned with a glass of water and heating pad.

“Here, I got you ibuprofen too, so your uterus and back don’t hurt as much. My mom used to have those as well, it was a pain in my ass, but I’d tried to make her feel better and this always seemed to help.”

“I… thank you”

She didn’t imagine this (mentally) grumpy old man being so good at understanding women, but since he was raised by one and had a sister, she should have expected it.

“Also I’m making you some soup, that may help with the nausea and you can have something in your stomach”

“Bellamy… you were just yelling at me for being a slob and now you’re volunteering to cook for me?”

“Yes, but you aren’t feeling good right now, it’s not the same as the other days.” He said with his hands in his pockets, she hated that he looked adorable all nervous. “Plus, we’re friends, right? You’d take care of me if I ever got sick?”

“Yes” she answered without hesitation.

“See? It’s the same. Wait here.”

He went back downstairs and she took her medicine and put the heating pad on top of her uterus. He came back twenty minutes later with two bowls of soup.

“Thank you” she repeated smiling, already feeling much better than half an hour before.

“It’s nothing, really. You could’ve told me you didn’t know how to cook, I would’ve taught you.”

“How do you…? Fucking Miller, such a gossip. I do know how to cook some stuff, I just always leave a mess and I was trying to be considerate with you. I just didn’t realize I was leaving shit everywhere. Sorry.”

“It’s already been cleared and that’s all I wanted. I’m sorry I yelled.”

“I’m sorry I yelled, too”

They ate in silence, it was comfortable and she couldn’t stop thinking about Harper saying how comfortable she was with him and her already falling for him, or at least liking him. She didn’t feel like she was falling, but if she looked at him long enough she could feel giddy and happy to have him there.

She was happy they chose him.

That didn’t mean she was falling for him, though, right?

“I heard you singing last night,” he interrupted her thoughts, playing with the remainings of his soup, “you sounded sad”

“I was… fucking hormones” she teased, hoping it would distract him from the fact that she was mostly sad about fighting him. And needing him, now, apparently.

“I couldn’t sleep knowing I made you that sad.” He whispered still not meeting her eyes.

“It’s… okay”

“It’s not. I’ll be better, I promise.” They locked eyes and she knew he meant it.

“I’ll be better too. I was a brat today and I could blame it on the hormones, but… I’m just petty sometimes.”

He laughed and she did too, mostly because she was relieved that he didn’t comment on it.

“I have a little sister, you know. I know hormones can make you petty, or even more than before.” he joked smirking.

“You seem different.” she commented serious, not taking the bait.

“Different how?”

“More relaxed? I don’t know. Is it just because I finally put in order my stuff? Did that really bother you so much?”

“No. I just… I missed taking care of someone, I guess. It’s nice to feel needed again. Not that you do, of course.” He added fast, blushing a little bit and she bit back a smile, because he had no idea. The whole song she just wrote was about her needing him and not being ready for it.

“It’s okay, I get it. How about we watch a movie on my laptop? I’ll let you sit beside me on the bed”

“That’s such an incentive” he teased rolling his eyes.

“Fine, I may want to steal your warmth”

“You just gotta ask, Clarke” he winked before taking her bowl of soup and walking towards the door “I’ll do the dishes while you look for the movie”

“Deal.”

Things went back to normal and even though Clarke could feel some butterflies on her stomach when Bellamy would come home from school, with his hair all messy and his tired smiled, she tried not to think about it, she was moving on from the idea of having something with him, it was what it was.

Then they started watching documentaries on Netflix, it started because she wanted to watch one on black holes and then he wanted to watch one about the Ottoman empire and they started making it a thing. Every day he’d come home from school, he’d study while she painted or played the piano and then they’d cook.

They ate in front of the TV and afterwards have great conversations about what they saw, they’d have theories or he’d say he interpreted something one way and she thought about it another. Then Friday’s came and everyone would gather on their house to drink and have a good time. It was a great system actually, until Kane called.

“It’s time for you to wander around town. We won’t even call paparazzi, I’m pretty sure someone will just photograph you and TMZ will have it in the morning.”

“Yeah… probably”

“It’s been a month since you’re there and no one knows where you are. You need this.”

“I know. Fine.”

“I’m sorry for bursting your bubble, I know how excited you were of getting to live a normal life.”

“Is it really normal when I don’t get to leave the house?”

“No, not really.”

“Yeah, that’s what I thought.”

So that Tuesday they decided to go to a dive bar, the six of them. It wouldn’t be packed as a Friday would and they could move if people got there because of Clarke. Plus the bar was within walking distance.

“How did you find this bar?” asked Clarke while putting on her scarf, trying to distract herself from getting nervous.

“They told me it was owned by an American and that not many people were there on weekdays, so I thought it’d be perfect.”

“Do you think Americans care more or less about celebrities?”

“Definitely more, but they said this guy is chill. Plus there’s a tattoo shop right behind it, its owned by his girlfriend, so they don’t sound like the kind of people that listen to your music, no offense.” He teased while opening the door.

They got outside and she tried to enjoy the few moments she got without being photographed or recognized. “You listen to my music and you’re a grumpy eighty year old male in the body of a twenty something.”

“I like two songs, I’m not a fan”

“Not a nice thing to say to your roommate, you know.” She teased bumping his shoulder with hers before taking his hand.

“I’ve said worst things to you and you still like me, so, I’m not worried.” He smiled before tightening his grip and they waited for the other ones to leave their houses.

“Hey, how’s my favorite couple?” screamed Jasper as soon as he saw them.

“Fine, I just wished you acted like a regular person from time to time.”

“I do, that’s how people are going to scream when they see you. You should be prepared.”

“Is he already drunk?” asked Clarke to Monty, who was behind him.

“No, but he might be high.”

“Might? Who do you think I am? Of course I am”.

She really liked Jasper, but she usually got the feeling that he put up a mask for Monty’s benefit. He was clearly not high, but it seemed to make Monty smile so of course he’d say so. She knew there was history there, but she didn’t want to pry.

“And where’s your girlfriend?”

“Right behind you!” screamed Harper before throwing herself at Clarke’s back.

“Hey babe!”

“How’s my favorite blonde?” asked Harper squeezing Clarke’s middle.

“Great now that I see my favorite blonde”

“Could you stop hitting on my girlfriend? I’m no competition for you”

“Oh, Monty. If I wanted to bed Harper I would’ve done it years ago”

“You did try once”

“When I was drunk and in a drought, but you pulled through and put some sense into me, so Monty, there’s nothing to worry about. She didn’t want me then, she doesn’t want me now.”

“Don’t say that, there’s gotta be some mystery on the relationship. I gotta keep him on his toes or he’ll leave me”

“Not possible” said Monty looking at Harper’s eyes before kissing her hand.

“Ugh, you guys are disgusting. I need a drink now” complained Miller starting to walk away from them and they all followed.

“We’ll find you a boy, don’t fret” teased Clarke before leaning to Bellamy to whisper, “I can see why you two are friends, you’re such grumpy old men”

“In my defense I had to grow up fast to help raise my sister, Miller has no excuse”

She laughed and relaxed by his side, she could tell some people looked at them but she wasn’t sure if it was because their group was so big or if it meant someone recognized her. No phones had been brought to her face though, so she counted that as a win.

They arrived to the dive bar, it was a dingy as she expected and she loved it. It was dark and there was only one very drunk patron sitting at the bar.

They went for a booth and Bellamy and Miller offered to get everyone their drinks. It was awkward for her at first, looking over her shoulder to see if there was a phone up in any way, people tried to be slick about taking pictures of her but she always noticed.

Well, not always. She definitely didn’t notice at that concert with Lexa. She felt compelled not to let that ruin her night, she was out for the first time in a month, with her friends and the idea was for people to know that she was here, with her boyfriend.

Still, it felt like something she wanted to protect.

Bellamy arrived with a beer she liked and pulled her closer to him, with his hand drawing a circle on her arm, he must’ve notice how anxious she was and as much as she was trying to push away her feelings for him, she couldn’t help but to thank God again that he was the one they ended up choosing. She didn’t want anyone else.

“Thank you” she whispered to Bellamy’s ear and she hoped he knew it was more about his support than the beer.

“Anytime, now start drinking your beer or I will”

“I actually like the idea of seeing you drunk.”

“I know, but it’s our first time on the public eye, we need to chill.”

“Yeah, I know”

He kissed her temple and squeezed her, still with one arm around her frame. It was so easy for him to act like he was her boyfriend and it was kind of easy to pretend for her too. Because she liked being close to him, she liked being kissed by him, even if it was never on the lips. She liked how safe he made her feel and even sometimes forget who she was. Sometimes she wasn’t Clarke Griffin, the pop star successful on four continents, with him there were times when she was just Clarke.

And she could feel herself getting addicted to that feeling.

“Alright, so, we know you two are sickly cute. But I don’t know where this thing began” asked Jasper looking between them, she guessed he felt comfortable enough now to ask. She liked that he did.

“Yeah, Bellamy, why don’t you tell us?” asked Miller before sipping from his bottle of beer.

“Well, Miller, you know this. You were there when we met.”

“And it was a shit show”

“It wasn’t!”

“Clarke, I love you, you know that, but it was” intervened Harper with a smile.

“Alright, fine, we didn’t hit it off at first”

Bellamy snorted at that, “Clarke, just tell them we hated each other”

“But you were the one telling this story!”

“Fine. Okay.” Bellamy drunk some more and then feigned a solemn face, “Once upon a time, Princess of pop Clarke was nominated for an award and I was there because of my sister, O- “

“Octavia Blake the Instagram model, by the way” interrupted Miller.

“YOUR SISTER IS OCTAVIA BLAKE?!” yelled Jasper prompting everyone to shush him. The guy behind the bar was looking at them weird already, but that peaked his interest. He was definitely eavesdropping now.

“Yeah, yeah.” Bellamy rolled his eyes and whispered pointing to his fake girlfriend “This is Clarke Griffin by the way, you didn’t do that when you met her”

“Well, I was afraid of you. That’s why I didn’t. I screamed for an hour when Monty told me.”

“You were scared of me?”

“We’re getting off topic here, please tell Jasper how you were a dick to Clarke at first”

“Miller, you’re getting on my fucking nerves,” spat Bellamy looking at him darkly and his friend only shrugged and drank more beer, “thing is, I was already mad and Clarke was there and Miller introduced us and I was an asshole because she had money and I didn’t. Afterwards I felt like shit for it so I asked Miller if he could apologize for me.”

“Apologize yourself, I said.”

“And I did when he invited me to her house, where he lived as well. I realized I kind of liked her and then she invited me over a few more times…”

“And I wanted for him to make a move but he took forever!” interrupted Clarke acting like she was fired up about it, laughing on the inside. Still very nervous that they could see through her charade.

“I’m just a guy! A regular folk. I never thought she’d have feelings for me too”

“Oh, c’mon. She’s been giving you heart eyes pretty much since you apologized. You were just in denial.” Contributed Harper winking at Clarke, who may or may not have blushed, because her friend wasn’t there when he apologized but she’s seen them a lot since they came back from the island.

“Okay, he’s dumb,” said Miller “but Clarke’s not the easiest person to read. We know her, but Blake didn’t. She’s usually guarded and she only makes heart eyes when he isn’t looking.”

“Thanks for the back-up, bro”

Bellamy was about to shove his friend but then the guy behind the bar came to their table with a pitcher in his hand.

“Hey, this one’s on the house” he said leaving it on the middle.

“We can pay” said Bellamy looking at him with threats in his eyes and if she hadn’t been afraid that he was going to call paparazzi or all of his friends to the bar, she’d find that funny.

“I could guess that, but I just wanted to get closer to the table to see if this was the international star Clarke Griffin.” He explained with a sardonic smile, then put his hand in front of him. “John Murphy, at your service. But you can call me Murphy” he winked at her and she could feel Bellamy tensing at her side.

“You saw her, you can leave now. Or we could.”

“Alright, calm down Romeo” he pulled his hand back because nobody took it and rolled his eyes at Bellamy “I just wanted to know what a millionaire was doing in my bar.”

“Drinking. I could do it somewhere else if it bothers you”

“It doesn’t. It’s just… surprising.”

“Are you just stalling so that the paparazzi come or something? Because then I’ll let you know we’re not coming back here and it looks like you could use a Tuesday crew.” Said Harper with her work face on.

“Easy now, I am stalling actually, but because I want my girlfriend to come from the tattoo shop to see that I was right and that she owes me twenty bucks.”

“So you’re not telling people we’re here?” asked Miller, all business all of a sudden.

“It depends. I need to see what’s in it for me.”

“Money, what else?” asked Clarke rolling her eyes, “as long as you don’t tell anyone and you erase the picture you have of me on your phone, I’ll be doubling what these guys leave as a tip every time we come. That’s gonna be a lot if no one knows I was here, but if you sell that picture you’ll probably get a couple hundred dollars and then bye bye money.”

“You’re forgetting it could get me clientele to talk about you being here”

“They won’t see me here again and lose interest in the place in a few days, Murphy. This place stinks. It’s dingy, no one’s gonna keep coming here for the appeal of it.”

His smile faulted and she could see he realized that what she was offering was the best course of action for him and before he could open his mouth, a girl with her face tattooed came from behind him.

“So you were right, huh? We have a golden guest here tonight.”

“She’s threatening to leave, though.”

“Of course she is, she just met you. Don’t listen to him, I’m the mastermind behind our business.”

“I let you do something with our publicity once and now you’re the mastermind.” Complained Murphy with a harsh tone but soft eyes.

“It brought more people. And now we have the princess of pop in here”

Clarke had started liking her, but now that she brought that up she started sinking in her chair, but Bellamy held her closer.

“So, you won’t be a snitch and we can drink in peace?” interrogated Miller with his work face on.

“And even get tattoos if you want” responded the girl with a smile, “I’m Emori, by the way.”

“Nice to meet you” responded Clarke and shook her hand, “if you play your cards well, we may come here more than once”

“Then, by all means. This one’s on us” said Emori pointing to the pitcher on the table.

“Thank you” responded Clarke with a smirk.

“Aw, c’mon that’s the same thing I said, why do you accept it from her and not me?”

“Because you’re a dick.”

“Bellamy!” chastised Clarke, not too seriously.

“He’s right, though” said Emori smiling.

“Yeah, well. It takes one to know one, so, welcome to Polaris you dick.” Spat Murphy before turning around to his bar and Emori followed with a smile on her face.

“Charming” whispered Bellamy before drinking the last bit of beer on his glass.

Yeah, they’d probably be coming back here more than once.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I didn't post in a while and honestly it's 'cuz I don't really know if people care if I do? There's been like three comments on the first few chapters so I don't know if you're still reading? I wanted to make this fun and that maybe you'd guess why I named the chapters the way I did, but I don't know. Let me know if you're still reading or if someone cares about this story.   
> I know this comes outkind of whiny but there's like no reason to keep going if no one reads it.  
> Anyway, if anyone cares, I'd really like for someone to comment about why they think I named the chapter Scorpious or even the previous ones :)


	5. Ara

The second time they went to Polaris the place was as empty as it had been last week and Clarke waved at Emori who was cleaning some tables and nodded to Murphy who was just watching his phone behind the bar.

"You guys can just come sit at the bar, we'll close anyways"

"What?"

"Your boyfriend's not the brightest, sweetheart." Said Murphy with his hand blocking his mouth from Bellamy seeing, but he could obviously hear it. "I mean that we don't get many costumers on Tuesdays anyways, so we may as well accommodate you further."

"It was Emori's idea, wasn't it?" Asked Miller already sitting in front of the bar owner.

"Of course it was, now tell me what drinks do you want and I'll give them to you." Emori clarified smiling.

"You know you own the tattoo parlor not the bar." Commented Murphy while changing the sign from Open to Closed.

"This is hardly a bar and good tips can change that so stop wasting their time."

"Hey, we don't want you to treat us different because we leave a hefty tip." Clarified Clarke sitting at Bellamy's side.

"We could use some less attitude, though." Said Bellamy putting his hand on Clarke's thigh.

"Psht. Then how is that no different? If I have to be less of an asshole then maybe I don't want the money."

"Sorry, that's not something I can help with" shrugged Emori and then everyone started saying what their drinks were while Murphy and Emori worked on them.

"So, why do you guys have such weird names on your businesses?"asked Jasper slurping his fruity drink.

"Well, John and I went to backpack to South America and somewhere in between Peru and Bolivia we found someone who could give us Ayahuasca and guide us through it, cuz it's a weird trip, man."

"We puked a few times before the visions started coming."

"Yeah, we believe John went to the future and I to the past, but we're not sure."

"What? " asked Harper with curiosity beaming in her eyes.

"Well, I was in chains on a room full of drawings of a weird religion and they had a pod, like a scape spaceship? I don't know, but it had 'Polis' written on it, but I told the guy that had me chained that there were two letters missing and that it should say Polaris and then I tell him about some space stations uniting and some shit and he doesn't believe me and hits me. That's when I got back"

"That's... Kinky" commented Monty and Harper hid her laugh on his shoulder.

"Yeah. Hitting hasn't been a kink of mine, though and boy do I have kinks."

"John, I don't think they want to hear about that."

"Yeah, let's hear what's that about Frikdreina, please" asked Monty with a disgusted face.

"I was in the past I think, because there was no technology and people lived in huts and tents and I had a deformed hand so they called me Frikdreina. I remembered I hated that name, but I didn't hate my hand. It moved and perform as a regular hand, so, it wasn't really a problem for me to have it. They deserted me and my brother for being different and we had so survive by being thieves and scrapping stuff."

"So, it was basically a slur?"

"Words have the weight you give to them. It sucked hearing it in the vision, but it was a whole different language, the one they were speaking and when I came back I missed it. So, since that's the only word I can remember I decided to use it."

"Do you really think it was another life of yours?"

"Maybe, maybe not. But then we both had a dream the next night. I dreamt that we came here to start over and he dreamt that we traveled far away and we started a business together, so we mashed both dreams and ended up here."

"That's cool." Harper smiled and Emori smiled back.

"So, how did you end up here?" Asked Murphy wiping some glass.

"Bellamy was coming to end his Master’s degree and I came with"

"And the rest of the gang just followed you two? Because there's no way you met all these Americans here."

"We're her bodyguards, me and Miller. This is my boyfriend and this is his boyfriend."

"Platonic boyfriend, thank you very much."

"Oh, c'mon, Monty. You'd love to have a piece of this."

"You've offered multiple times and I've declined multiple times, what's not clicking?"

"You can't not want some of this!"

"I can and I sure do."

"Okay, kids. Let's get drunk and forget about your drama." Prompted Clarke signaling for another drink.

"Okay, mommy Celine Dion."

"Nah, she's too cool for me."

"Yeah, she had a Vegas show."

By the time they were going home, Clarke was happy and smiling, holding Bellamy's hand and then, for the last couple of blocks he carried her on his back and she had never felt so comfortable or normal in her entire life.

* * *

“Hey” he said when he got into he apartment, he looked tired but somehow content. “What are you watching?” he ask when she didn’t respond.

“Pride and Prejudice” she responded pausing it because apparently he was talkative today.

“The 2004 movie? Seriously?” he sat beside her, looking at her like she was crazy. “When the miniseries exist?”

“What’s wrong with me wanting to spend two hours watching a great movie instead of watching six hours on the same story but with more details? It doesn’t make sense”

“No, it’s not the same history. Have you read the actual book? Or are you just…”

“Yes, I have.” She interrupted, “And yes, there isn’t another Bingley sister but she really didn’t do anything for the plot, as did her husband so I’m not mad they took her out and…”

“But what about Georgiana? They gave her another fucking personality!” he was really invested, she could tell, just as much as she was “The whole point of Elizabeth going to Darcy’s home was to see the real him, the way he treated his workers, how he didn’t know how to fit in the same way his sister did and how nice he was to her less ranked family”.

“But they showed that too!” she knew she was being louder than necessary but somehow he always managed to ruffle her feathers, “they didn’t have the time to make Lizzie realize her sister wasn’t being mean but that she didn’t know how to behave, so what they did is show how close Darcy was to his sister and they showed how fondly her housekeeper spoke about him. They even had Darcy invite Mr. Gardiner to the lake.”

“But that’s not how it happened in the book” he insisted, looking like an angry child and honestly if she wasn’t so fired up she would find it adorable. Good thing she was.

“But that’s the point! How can you manage to get the feeling of that lengthy book in a two hour movie without it feeling too repetitive? Because everyone knows this story and it’s been told in like five more movies, if you want the real story go to the book it’s not like it’s hard.”

He stayed silent for a while, just looking at her, but then “you only like it because of the sexual tension”.

“Damn right I like the sexual tension. I also like the breathtaking cinematography and the way the music flows throughout the movie. Did you notice that every piece is different yet similar? And how it captures the feelings of the scenes to a T?”

He smiled, a real smile not the lopsided one or the smirk. She couldn’t help but to smile back.

“You’re the music expert here”

“Oh, now I’m a music expert. Last time I was a just a pop princess who had everything handed to me” she said without any fire, just teasingly.

“Well… I was wrong. There. I said it” he whispered looking everywhere but her.

“That’s new. Can I get that in writing?”

“Oh, fuck off.” he said without fire too, trying to hide a smile. “Just put the damn movie back on.”

They watched the rest of the movie together, she hadn’t watched past the Wickham meeting. They bickered a little more throughout it, but nothing serious. Bellamy made remarks about the clothing not being from the same time period and Clarke telling him that she didn’t care. She also couldn’t help but to move her hands when the piano scenes happened or when she knew how to play one of the songs. 

She thought that Bellamy hadn’t noticed, but then when the movie ended he looked at her with a smile and a little embarrassment before speaking.

“So you know how to play some of the songs?”

“Yeah, why?”

“The last one? When Darcy and Lizzie meet at dawn… do you know that one?”

“Is that your favorite one?” she asked curious.

“Yes” he responded ducking his head and she smiled before standing up to walk towards her piano.

“It’s not super hard” she commented before starting to play it. He moved towards her, positioning himself in front of her, with his back to the door. Suddenly she started getting nervous, people always looked at her while she played in concerts or talk shows. But just him, looking at her play, without her singing seemed a little bit intimate.

She almost played a note wrong somewhere in the middle and she decided to stop worrying about him. For all she knew, Bellamy was just enjoying it as he enjoyed the movie, nothing else.

When she stopped playing she finally dared looking at him and for a second his face astound her. He seemed mesmerized, his eyes were big and full of… something like marvel? His mouth was a little bit opened and his whole body was relaxing against the door, supporting all of his weight.

She could feel herself blushing and his face and whole body changed positions to look more put together. He smiled and suddenly his eyes weren’t giving her anything. He was so good at not showing emotions when he wanted to.

“You did good” he whispered, not sounding as unaffected as he looked.

“Thank you” she whispered back, because she didn’t want to break the atmosphere around them. It seemed like the air was electrified and any sudden movement could break it. 

They locked eyes for a few more second, the electricity growing by the moment, Bellamy opened his mouth to say something and she couldn’t resist focusing her gaze on his lips. Those damn lips had been haunting her for a few days now. She wanted to taste them, to feel the scar on top of them, to let her tongue wander free inside of his mouth.

He took a step towards her and she could feel chills, but her eyes couldn’t leave his lips. She had no idea what his eyes said, if he felt the same, if he was watching her lips as well. All she knew is that she had a chance to finally let herself hope that he too, was attracted to her. At least in a physical way.

“Clarke!” someone yelled from outside, pounding the door repeatedly, successfully breaking the spell, “you won’t believe what happened!”

Bellamy cleared his throat and walked towards the bathroom, without looking at her again and she took a deep breath before opening the door.

“Harper” she said as soon as the girl stormed into the apartment, trying not to be mad at her, because honestly she didn’t know what that was or how it would end and Harper had no clue that it was happening either. Maybe she should be thanking her for helping to avoid a mistake.

“Clarke, it’s all over the news” she said excitedly as she pushed her phone towards Clarke.

“What is?”

She read the article title “Finn Collins caught cheating on his fiancée” and she couldn’t help but to laugh humorlessly. That title was a few years too late.

Pictures of him kissing a girl against a wall were next and the last one was of his fiancée showing off her ring by his side. She was a model and he was still a jerk.

“I can’t believe he did it again. It’s like he can’t help himself, this girl is gorgeous and he still cheated”

“So are you and Raven, it’s got nothing to do with the girls he dates and everything to do with how awful he is,” commented the blonde before plunging herself on the sofa. “I think this calls for a celebration”

“Why? I’m over him, Raven’s over him. Hell, probably the model is to. Nobody cares anymore”

“And that’s what we’re celebrating. Duh.”

Harper walked to the kitchen to get some alcohol, probably and that’s when Bellamy emerged from the bathroom, much more collected.

“What’s all the fuss?” he asked, pointedly not looking at Clarke.

“Nothing” she said trying to control her heartbeat.

“Everything. Did Clarke told you that she has a scumbag cheating ex?” screamed Harper for the kitchen. Great, she really wanted the Monty and Jasper to know that.

“You do?” he asked finally looking at her, very angry may she add.

“Yes, but it’s the past. I don’t get why Harper is so happy he got caught on the act. It was bound to happen”

“I need to know this story” he said finally relaxing on the couch they had on the kitchen.

“I need to get drunker”

“On it!” said Harper cheerfully coming into the living room with three cups and a bottle of wine, with Bellamy and Clarke at her tail. “Oh, you know who wants to hear this story? Miller”

“Tell him to bring more alcohol and he’s invited”

Harper texted him and then she served the glasses, not five minutes later there was a knock on the door.

“Oh, I’ve been waiting so long for this shit” he greeted with a bottle of tequila on his hand.

“Wow that’s a lot heavier than I intended to ask for” commented Clarke taking the bottle on her hands.

“But that’s what you get for finally telling us what the fuck happened” he sat by Bellamy, who just smiled at him.

“This is the most animated I’ve ever seen you”

“Shut up, Blake. I’ve been waiting for decades.”

“That’s not true. We met like three years ago”

“An eternity. Go” he demanded and Clarke just took a deep breath and a large sip from her wine to try and end it as fast as she could.

“Fine. Finn and I started dating when I was still an innocent southern gal. He was too sweet at first and understood how my life had changed in the blink of an eye because it happened to him too. He was there for me when Wells died, helped keep the secret. People knew we were dating and it was a thing. We had an awful couple name and everything.”

“Flarke” snorted Harper making her smile.

“Anyway, we dated for like five months and then one evening we were at his house, we were never there because he said my house was more beautiful. Bullshit. He didn’t want his fiancée to catch us making out, which is what happened.”

“A fiancée? How did he have a whole fiancée on the side?” asked Miller.

“Good question. They knew each other since they were kids. He asked her to marry him just before his name blew up and the label asked him to keep it a secret so that he seemed single. You know how it is, they wanted to make it look like he could fall for a fan or something. She agreed because she was going to college anyway because she’s a fucking genius…”

“Doubtful if she never saw this coming” interrupted Bellamy.

“Well, we’re all fools in love” she quoted the movie, making him smile “but she’s working with NASA now, she’s up there in our orbit right now, looking down on us”

“How do you know all of this?” asked Miller, always with the right questions.

“Because she’s my friend now. Raven.”

“You’ve talked about a Raven but not once had you mentioned she was in space or she was the other woman in your relationship”

“Didn’t you hear, Miller? I was the other woman. He told her that we weren’t actually dating, that it was for publicity so we could both sell albums since we were in the same record label. He promised that they’d be married before he dropped the next album”

“But they weren’t” interjected Harper.

“No they weren’t. Anyway, she started screaming at us, I started screaming at him, then she started screaming at him and then we both walked away together to get drunk. He called us both all night and we ignored him, we just got drunk and complained about him and how awful he was in bed”

“Of course he’s awful. Look at that face”

Clarke laughed at Harper’s comment, before pouring herself another cup of wine.

“What I don’t get” started Miller, “is why didn’t you tell me sooner. It’s a hell of a story and it wasn’t your fault. You even ended up friends with Raven, that’s cool as fuck”

“It is. But it’s in the past. It was like seven years ago, I really don’t care anymore.”

“Okay. That’s fair.” Agreed Harper before adding, “He did have an influence in you, though, you stopped dating for a while”

“Well, yeah but my career blew up even more just a year after him, while I recovered from his shitty behavior. And then I didn’t have time to date because I was on tour and every person I met was starstrucked. Or wanted to just have a one-night stand, you know, to say they fucked Clarke Griffin. It got old pretty quickly and I didn’t even liked someone until Lexa”

“Who fucked you over too”

“Yes, Miller, thank you for reminding me.” Said Clarke with a smile, “It’s fine, though. I got to come here and be a normal person for once”

“As long as you limit your outings to once a week”

“Or I can just wear a wig” joked Clarke locking eyes with Bellamy, who had been uncharacteristically quiet. He looked pissed, but also pensive, which wasn’t a weird look on him, but she really wanted to know what was going on in his mind.

Harper and Miller didn’t seem to notice and they kept talking and joking around. His eyes finally found hers and he smiled at her, somewhat sad and proud.

“That’s one way to put it” said Miller, God knows what that was about. “What about you, Bellamy? Any sad story to share?”

Clarke knew he had plenty, about the way he grew up, about Octavia. They had really shared a lot on the last days on the island, but she had no idea about his love life. That’s one subject they never touched upon.

“I’ve only ever had one girlfriend. We were together for three years and then I had a scholarship to move across the world for five years. She couldn’t just up and leave everything and I couldn’t turn it down. We split amicably, we still keep in touch sometimes, she turned into a friend, which is kind of sad, because I realized that we didn’t really cared that we broke up. Maybe we were just together for so long because we didn’t want to be alone. I don’t know”

“Yep. That’s a thing we all go through” said Harper looking sad.

“Well now you gotta share” prompted Clarke pouring her a shot of tequila.

“The year was 2013 and I was stupid. I started dating this idiot but very hot guy, Macallan. He was trying to get into the world of music, he had a great voice but he couldn’t write for shit and all he wanted was to have fun. So, obviously, he cheated on me with a very busty youtube singer, who had slightly more fame than him. Of course it didn’t make the tabloids but it still hurt me. I stayed with him, though. He promised he’d change and we lived together on LA while I was training as a body guard. I didn’t have money to move out and… I don’t know.”

“You didn’t want to be all alone on a big city like LA?” asked Miller, already guessing his friend’s feelings.

“Yeah… I left everything to go with him to LA, so he could make it and then he fucked me over”

“He doesn’t deserve you, Harp. Monty’s a great update,” joked Clarke, which brought a smile to her friend’s face.

“Yeah, he’s really great”

“See? Everything worked out great. Now, me on the other hand,” said Miller before pouring himself more tequila, “I got over Bryan alright. I just can’t seem to find someone new.

“You never let me introduce you my friend’s mom. I thought he was perfect for you”

“Clarke, he’s a doctor. I work going on tours with you and now we’re at the other side of the world. It’s not great timing.”

“Fine, when we go back to LA and if you’re still single, you’re having a blind date with Eric.”

“Hopefully I can entertain myself here in the meantime. Harper here doesn’t spend too many nights at home and I’m wasting a home alone”

“Wait, before we change the subject.” Interrupted Bellamy, “Who’s Bryan?”

“We don’t talk about Bryan, Bellamy” whispered Harper

“He was the one who brought him up. Plus, we’ve all told our sob stories.”

“Fine, Blake. He was one of Clarke’s back up dancers. I met him when I got the job and we clicked. We dated for two years and then he just breaks up with me out of nowhere. He says one of his teachers offered him a job as a dancer on Broadway, I tell him being Clarke’s back up dancer pays more, and he goes on and on about his artistry and how this is why we can’t stay together.”

“He was a dick to Miller sometimes, I’d just like to point that out”

“Yeah, well. He didn’t want to have a long distance relationship, so he just left me”

“Is that why you don’t want to try something with this Eric? Because you don’t think it’ll work while you’re on tour with her?” asked Bellamy kind of angry.

“Yeah… He was right. Long distance never works”

“It does when you want to work for it, he was just a douche. Too full of himself”

“Yes, he was” agreed Harper already a little tipsy and that brought a smile to Miller’s face.

“How about we just play cards to stop the depression?”

“That’s a great idea, Miller!” cheered Harper before hugging him “We should invite Monty and Jasper, though” 

The guys came ten minutes later and they ended up playing poker, even though none of them were really good at it and that was enough to make them laugh again.

“You guys all suck” slurred Miller trying and failing to pour himself some more tequila.

“Hey stop dripping it all over the table!”

“Relax, Blake. Your girlfriend’s rich.”

“Yeah, Blake. Let Madonna pay for it” teased Jasper with a sardonic smile.

“First of all, I’m not even near the realm of Madonna and second of all, yes, Blake. Let me get us a new table”

He smiled but looked at her sternly, as if disapproving of her, but she knew he was just acting that way in front or their friends.

“Hey, look. Harper and Monty fell asleep.” Whispered/shouted Miller and Clarke took the bottle of tequila away from him.

“They look so cute” 

All four of them joined in watching them snuggle in the too small midcentury chair. They were adorable by all means and Clarke couldn’t help but to feel a little bit jealous that she couldn’t in good conscience fall sleep on top of Bellamy like that.

“They always do” stated Jasper with a new air around him, more mature and less chaotic energy in his eyes. He always did that when Monty wasn’t around and Clarke decided that she liked this Jasper better than the other one. “Just like Britney and Justin over here”, alright, maybe the two versions weren’t so different after all.

The night came and went and suddenly it was Saturday morning and everyone was sleeping on the floor on her house.

“Hey, Clarkey, wakey wakey”

“Bellamy?”

“We need to get you on your feet”

“Why?”

“Because your bedroom is upstairs”

“I don’t wanna”

“C’mon. Just stop hugging Miller and I’ll help you upstairs”

“Will you carry me?”

“I’m also drunk, princess, do you trust me?”

“You know I hate that. Finn used to call me that, the fucking idiot. But you say it sweeter sometimes, that’s when I like it.”

“I’ll keep in mind to only refer to you as princess if I find you endearing. Now, c’mon. Help me take you to bed”

“Gladly”

She disentangled from her friend to entangle herself on Bellamy, who carried her on his back. Her back hurt from the previous position and also her stomach from laughing so hard, and she took a look around the room to see everyone’s relaxed faces before Bellamy took her upstairs. She smiled, because this was something she never had before, not even with Wells and his friends, they were always his friends and she never knew she could have this.

The journey to her bedroom wasn’t long and soon enough, Bellamy was letting her down softly on her bed. 

“Did you have fun tonight?” he asked while taking her shoes off.

“I did and you don’t have to be such a dad, Bellamy. I can take my shoes off, you’re as drunk as me.”

“You know I like doing stuff for my friends, just let me.”

“Fine, then do something else for me before going to bed”

“What?”

“Will you stroke my hair until I fall sleep.”

“Okay”

“All the way sleep, though, not just barely.”

“Okay, princess. Scooch over” 

He sat by her side and stroke her hair, and as much as she tried to stay awake to enjoy this, soon after her breathing started deepening and the wall between the real world and Morpheus’s one started falling apart. She ended up falling asleep with the biggest smile ever.

* * *

Clarke thought long and hard about the way things took a turn after she played the piano but Bellamy didn’t seem to be affected by it, it was like nothing happened. She didn’t want to let it go but it was her only alternative, she had said she was going to just get over her little tiny crush on him and she was doing just the opposite, so, she tried to act as unaffected as him.

Even if she couldn’t thinking about what would’ve happened if Harper hadn’t interrupted. But she got her chance to see if Bellamy was truly not interested or if he just had a good enough poker face the next time they went to Polaris. It all started because Harper was drunk enough that she thought a tattoo would be a good idea. 

“I want something that’ll feel like I’m leaving my old life behind, something that’ll feel like going into the future” she slurred to Clarke.

“Then just dye your hair, boo”

“No, no, no, I want it to be permanent”

“That doesn’t seem like the kind of decision you make while drunk”

“How are you so articulate while drunk?”

“That’s because I’m not.” Clarke smiled at her friend who was on her sixth already, while she herself was on her second. “How about we come back tomorrow”

“Can I at least work on the design with Emori?”

“Is Emori up to it?”

“I always am up to tattoo someone, girl.”

“That’s what I want to hear! C’mon Monty, let’s go to ‘mori’s shop” screamed Harper before dragging her boyfriend to the shop at the backdoor. 

“I hope that doesn’t end in disaster” whispered Bellamy by her side.

“Me too, let’s hope Monty’s not up for a matching tattoo”

“Well, there’s nothing we can do about it now, so are you ready to be defeated by me at pool?”

“As if. I’m an expert at pool. This’ll be your end”

They stood up, marched to the pool table with their hands intertwined and matching smiles. Clarke couldn’t help but to notice how easy it was to pretend to be a couple, not just because they lived together but also because she wasn’t just comfortable flirting and snuggling him, she liked it. She’d come to expect it and to crave it.

They got their sticks and positions, he was better than she expected, much better than Miller, but she played almost every day on her mansion with Harper, who was better than him, so he was definitely no match. So, he started cheating.

“Hey, so, how’s that song coming?”

“I finished it, now shut up and let me play”

“Tell me about it and the painting”

“Maybe later” she offered before hitting the ball, masterfully moving the others along so that she could put the number six on the pocket.

“Fine, be like that, I’m just warming up”

She knew he was lying, but she couldn’t help but to want to cheat too, even when she had it in the bag. She just wanted to see how distracting she was to Bellamy.

So, she leaned on the table, letting her top expose a little bit more than before and she smiled when his eyes traveled there.

“Looking for something?”

“Now that’s cheating. I have nothing like that to distract you with” he whined putting his eyes on hers, even if it seemed hard.

“Oh, c’mon, like your whole face wasn’t distracting enough”

He shot and he finally had another one on the pocket, but looked at her amused and with something dark in his eyes.

“So this distracts you?” he asked making a face that she presumed he thought was hot, but it really wasn’t.

“That smoldering look doesn’t do anything for me”

“Then what does?”

“I don’t know” she muttered preparing herself to shoot.

“You do, you said my face was enough, so, there must be something”

“I was just trying to console you. My breasts are better than your face”

“I mean, obviously, but I got a chance, I know, I saw it in your eyes”

“Oh, look how’s a corny rom-rom protagonist” she joked starting to walk to another spot to shoot, mainly to calm her breathing.

“Just tell me and…” he walk towards her to lock her between the pool table and himself, making her warm all over “I’ll let you shoot” he whispered in her ear. Good thing she wasn’t leaning down because this would look all kinds of inappropriate. Not that it didn’t already, but that would be worst.

Why was she thinking about leaning down with him on her back? That only made her blush and warmth grow bigger. 

“That’s not fair” she whispered trying to control the breathiness in her voice.

“You started this” he whispered again, leaving a wake of goosebumps on her neck and back. Suddenly his hands were on her hips, drawing small circles over the shirt, but the shirt moved and sometimes his fingers would touch her naked skin. 

God, that was hot. She couldn’t help but to arch her back and she could hear his breath hitch. A small victory. 

“You can finish it”

“And what if I don’t want to?”

She bit her lips not to say a word. Because she knew that if she did it wouldn’t be anything other than “then don’t” but she couldn’t, a voice kept reminding her that that was prohibited, even when she wanted it so much. 

“Hey, how about you don’t use my pool table as a motel, thank you very much!” yelled Murphy from the other side of the room where he was playing darts with Miller, who was smiling widely. 

Clarke and Bellamy pulled away from each other, blushing and Bellamy just muttered something about going to the bathroom and left her alone quickly. 

It took her a few seconds, but she could finally bring her breathings back to normal when someone sat behind her.

“Tsk, damn Murphy. I for one was enjoying the show”

“Jasper, you weren’t even looking” she said because she really hoped he wasn’t.

“I was! You’re my favorite celebrity couple. I would even take pictures if that wasn’t forbidden”

“Forbidden by whom?”

“Your manager? Pay attention, Katy Perry!”

“You stop with that, I know you’re not this overly excited guy, you don’t have to pretend with me”

“What do you mean?” he asked, a little uncomfortable. She looked behind her and Bellamy was walking towards the guys playing darts so she gestured for Jasper to take his stick, her game was over anyway. Both their games.

“I mean I’ve seen the way you are around Monty and I’ve seen how you’re when he’s not paying attention to you. You don’t have to tell me why, but I just wanted you to know.”

He stayed quiet for a bit, until he shot and did a perfect job at it. 

“Who would’ve thought celebrities could be observant?” he joked before leaning on the table “You’re right. He’s had to… see things I didn’t want him to. I owe him this much”

“You owe him what?”

“To show him I’m not going to break”

“Jasper, I don’t know what happened, but Monty’s a great friend, he’d be fine if you acted chill sometimes.”

“I… “ he took a deep breath and Clarke took it that it was her turn to shoot and when she couldn’t get her next ball on the pocket, Jasper smiled “Fine. I’ll tell you just because you are gonna lose against me”

“I’m not gonna lose and you don’t have to tell me. Unless you want to”

“I guess I do.” He sighed and shot “I had a girlfriend. She was everything I ever wanted in a girl and she liked me back which was crazy to me. We were happy together for about a year and a half and then tragic stroke. She was killed by a guy on the street. He said he asked for her number and she said no so he just… shot her” he sounded numb, but she could see the pain still fresh on his eyes.

“How long ago?”

“Almost a year. I lost it. I lost my faith in humanity, because she was not the first one to go through that. She’s not even the tenth so it didn’t even make the news. Then shootings kept happening and black people kept being murdered by police and no one did anything to stop global warming and I just… gave up”

She knew what he meant. She had thought about giving up many times before and also many times because of that same reason. If the world didn’t care then why should she? What was all of this for? But she channeled it into her art, tried to give away some money to help too and she tried not to think too much about what she couldn’t change and more about what she could.

“I understand, more than you imagine actually. My best friend was shot by a cop, on his own house.”

“That sucks.” They were both quiet for a few minutes and then Clarke nudged him so he kept talking, because he looked like he wanted to, “I’m not happy I have to stay in this sick world, but I’ve got Monty and he needs me… He’s the one that found me, actually. He made me promise I’d never overdose again.”

“Shit”

“He said I was almost dead when he found me and he was the one who made throw up. So he saved my life and I can’t waste it this time. I owe him to at least try, so I try. Every day I try not to drown and he helps me, Harper too. I’m gonna start going to see a therapist this week, see how that could help”

“I’m so happy you’re still here, Jasper, but you shouldn’t have to fake to be someone you’re not. Monty’ll understand that you’ve changed. Things like that, they change us. There’s no way we could go back to being the people we were before and that’s okay. You can count on me to help as well, I could teach you to play guitar”

“That’s all you can do? You couldn’t think of anything else?” he teased smiling.

“I suck at this, okay? I’m still working on it myself.”

“One day at a time it is, then”.

“LOOK CLARKE! I’M GOING TO GET A SPACE SHIP ON MY ARM! AND MONTY TOO!”

“One day at a time in deed”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Thanks to to people who commented, you made my day :) Also I hope I can make your day with some sexual tension and romantic tension, too, I guess. Next chapter we get to meet Raven, hope you're ready for her!
> 
> Comments and kudos are appreciated.


	6. Corvus

VI.Corvus

The last week of October came with Raven, who was finally out of orbit and ready to have some vacations on the ground.

“I’m not gonna lie” said Raven as soon as she saw Clarke as a hello, “I thought I was gonna come to Europe to party and sightsee, not hide on an average house.”

“Hey, if that’s what you want, Harper can take you. You know I can’t really go out.” Responded Clarke with a slight shrug, showing that she really didn’t care about going partying. 

“But how about we put a wig on you or something?”

“That’s what I’ve been telling her but she just doesn’t wanna hear it.” Commented Bellamy getting inside the house with Raven’s suitcase.

“Oh, it was very awkward seeing your boyfriend on the airport, by the way.”

“Why? What did he do?”

“Why do you have to assume that I did something, dear?” asked Bellamy putting his arm around her shoulders before kissing her temple. “You told her, right?” he whispered on her ear.

“I didn’t want to do it over the phone or online, it’s safer to tell her here at our house, that’s not bugged”

“How do you know she’s not bugged?”

“Because she’s standing right here and can hear you both. What’s going on? You want me to take my top off to see if I got a mic?” she started lifting her blouse but Clarke’s hand was fast at stopping her.

“It’s fine, Rae. I trust you.”

“Cool. Now, tell me.”

“Okay, sit down and please don’t take off your clothes.”

“Such a prude. I don’t mind, you’ve both seen me naked.”

That stopped Clarke on her tracks. She looked at Bellamy with shock and anger.

“Don’t look at me like I just had sex with her, it was years ago. Even before I heard you sing.”

“Yeah, you should sit. I just felt really icky not telling you right away, so, I thought it would be easier to rip off the band aid. Sorry.”

“It’s alright. I just didn’t see that coming.”

“It’s okay to feel weird about it, he’s your boyfriend and we have already slept with the same guy before… I didn’t think this would happen again.”

“Shit, I forgot about that.” Whispered Bellamy scratching his head and wincing. “ I feel like I should be sorry… but, it’s all so messed up.”

“Okay, I’ll process that later.” Tried to brush off Clarke before another can of worms opened up, she wanted to assure Raven that it was nothing, because it was. “He and I are not really together.”

“What? Don’t tell me you are her beard?”

“She’s smart.”

“Yes and no. And you should know she’s smart, you slept with her,” she added with a bit more heat than she intended, “I know you saw the picture of me and Lexa, it wasn’t supposed to go out yet that we were together, or at all according to her, so she trapped me in a shitty position.”

“What was it?”

“She said, or her people said, that she wasn’t coming out and that I either said that I kissed her without her consent as if I’m a fucking predator, or I said it was photoshopped, like they planned on saying. So, since we wanted to clear my name as easily and quickly as possible we got Bellamy to be my boyfriend.”

“But why him? Are you a prostitute now?”

“Shit, Raven, stop it. He’s Octavia Blake’s brother, we met a few months ago and I needed to be with someone I had known. We offered him the job and he took it.”

“Oh, the Instagram baddie? You kind of look similar. What’s in it for you? You want to start a modelling career on your own?”

“Raven” warned Clarke, she knew her friend wanted to look out for her, but she could be a little too intense sometimes.

“No, I’m in it for the money, to finish my masters and that’s it.”

“It was actually my idea to move here with him” said Clarke, even though the two people in front of her were not paying attention to her, they were having some kind of battle with their eyes and Clarke smiled, Raven and her didn’t meet often but they were very fiercely protective of each other.

“And why did you come here in the first place?” asked Raven, still sizing him up.

“Because I study in Cambridge” responded Bellamy, with his head held high and trying not to look intimidated, but Clarke knew him enough to know that that was just a front, he was intimidated and he wanted for Raven to like him.

“Mmmm… Fine. I’ll still keep my eyes on you, though” Raven’s mouth twitched a bit, a positive reaction to his obvious nervousness disguised in bravado. 

“I didn’t know you like me that much.” Joked Bellamy finally breathing.

“No, that ship has sailed, literally eight years ago.”

“So, how did you meet?” inquired Clarke now that they seemed more relaxed.

“When I moved from Nashville, after Finn’s fiasco, I went to celebrate to a nice bar and there he was, flirting with the bartender, but I saw it as a challenge, to get his attention off her and onto me, since I needed the… distraction.”

Clarke knew her friend well enough to know that she meant reassurance, she wanted to feel pretty and sexy again, after someone you love has lied to your face and seen someone to your back you start doubting yourself and as much as a force of nature as Raven was, she was human, she had doubts and vulnerabilities and Finn did a number on them both.

“Glad to have been of service, “ he smiled at her and Clarke couldn’t help but to feel the tiniest bit of jealousy creep up on her, “Now, I’ll leave you two to catch up. I’ll be in my room” he winked to Clarke and then went up stairs and she had to act as if that wasn’t hot at all.

“So, you have a fake romance now.”

“Yeah, I never thought I’d be in this position to be honest, but Marcus came up with the idea and I had already agreed to whatever he wanted to do, so, here we are.”

“Do you regret it?”

“No,” she responded easily, surprising even herself, “Bellamy’s one of my best friends now, I’m in a different country were I can go out on the street without having cameras on my face and I get to be away from all the Hollywood stress”

“I’ve heard you before about how you feel like it’s not worth it to stay in Hollywood, do you think you’ll finally retire?”

“I mean… I’m writing some stuff and I’m painting, I think I want to make each song with a accompanying piece. I’m not sure yet, but I’ve been inspired lately, it feels as if I need to at least let this one out”

“With this one you mean the album?”

“Yeah and I’ll maybe go on tour, maybe afterwards I can rent this house to Bellamy and I can leave on the house next door, I don’t know. I like it here and I feel like I could come back.”

“And then what?”

“I really don’t know Raven.”

“And for how long is he required to be your bf?”

“For as soon as we want. I don’t mind staying here a whole year and he has to finish school, of course he’ll want out once he finds someone he likes and wants to date and then we’ll work our shit out.”

“Well… he was good in bed, so you could take advantage of that while you’re here hiding.”

“Raven! He’s my friend! And don’t tell me how he’s in bed, that’s disgusting.” She berated her friend while blushing, she had wondered how he was but she didn’t want to know for sure until she could check. 

Even though she didn’t want to check, they were friends, she had a tiny crush that would go away and they could all move on with their lives.

“Oh, c’mon. You chose him because he’s hot, don’t lie to me missy. You want a piece of that ass.”

“That’d be prostitution and neither he nor me want to have anything to do with that. So, let’s talk about you and your awesome job.”

“Fine, but we’ll talk more about you and your eye candy later.”

“Just… stop”

“Okay” Raven smiled and Clarke could finally let it sink that she had her friend here and she was going to spend a few days by her side. That felt like such a rare opportunity to have everyone she cared about in the same place.

“And? Do you have some eye candy around?”

“I mean, it’s not like there’s much romance in space. But there is a handsome new doctor in NASA that’s caught my eye. He’s got his eye on a green light that’s too far from the poles to be an aurora, but he’s a geneticist so there’s not much he can really investigate with his PhD, so he has to rely on information that other people give him”

“And that’s where you come in”

“That’s where I come in, exactly. We chat, we try theories, he runs his theories by me, honestly and I think he’s almost flirting with me but he’s a dork, so…”

“So you have to do the heavy lifting.”

“Shut up.”

“Just ask him on a date!”

“That’s not something I’m going to do, we’re professionals, he’s eye candy. That’s it.”

“C’mon. You were on space for a few months, you deserve a… release”

“Clarke Griffin you’re such a little hoe!”

“So are you!”

They laughed because they knew about each other’s stories well enough and then they decided to call Harper and Miller to hang out.

* * *

“Let’s just go walk around, weren’t you raving about going out and not having cameras in your face here? You said you weren’t recognized last time”

“But it was dark and I was with a bunch of people, it’d be just the two of us now.”

“Yes, that’s why we should. You put on this brown wig and we’re two brunettes walking around Cambridge.”

“I just… Why don’t we wait for Bellamy?”

“Because people recognize him now! Everyone knows he’s your boyfriend.”

“It just… what if they recognize me and we end up in a mob?”

“Don’t be such a wuss. We’ll be fine and I can save you if that happens, we don’t need Bellamy.”

“Fine.”

Clarke put on the brown wig that had bangs and with sunglasses on it didn’t really look like she was herself. Plus it was fall so, she had a scarf on and a double breasted coat. She looked like a regular British girl. 

“You look hot, Bellamy won’t recognize you when he flirts with you.”

“What are you talking about.”

“Like you didn’t know already” she said rolling her eyes and walking out the door.

“I don’t.”

“You do it too. You guys flirt too much to be in a fake relationship.”

“Shut it.”

“It’s okay, there’s no one around. Come now, I want to see how big are colleges here.”

“I always wanted to see it, but it felt wrong to ask someone to take me there.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s Bellamy’s space. It feels like I want to invade everywhere he goes. I already offered him to live with me, I pay him to basically hung out with me… God, I really don’t want to turn into fucking Christian Gray.”

“Are you abusive in sex and day to day life with the excuse of loving him? Do you like him because he looks like your dead father? Did you become his boss to control how people treated him?”

“No, ew, hell no and definitely not.”

“Then, you’re good. Plus, we just don’t go to his college if you want.”

“Okay, I can live with that.”

“Great. Now, I was talking to Harper and Miller the other day and he says you usually go to Polaris on Tuesdays?”

“Yeah”

“But next Tuesday it’s Halloween so you didn’t want to go”

“No, it’ll be packed”

“You do realize that it’s the perfect excuse to actually be at a party as a regular girl?”

“What do you mean?”

“You could use a costume that hid your face? And Bellamy too, so we can all hang out in public”

“And what could that be?”

“I don’t know, but the internet does” she said taking her phone from her pocket, “typing “costumes with face covered” right now… ugh there’s nothing useful… okay… how about, costumes with a mask?”

“Any luck?”

“Oh, how about Spiderman and Spider Gwen?”

“That could work… you’d all have to wear superhero costumes, though”

“Oh, as if that’s such an awful request to make to your dorky friends.”

“Yeah, they’ll be elated”

They arrived to one of the colleges and walked around while texting everyone about the idea and a group chat was born.

Raven made the group chat DORKS FIRST HALLOWEEN IN THE UK

Harper: “OH THAT’S A GREAT IDEA! Me and Monty will be Black Canary and Green Arrow.”

Monty: “You just want to wear tights. But that’s okay, I like it.”

Jasper: “Ew. Please don’t come back to this house afterwards”

Miller: “Then I’m either getting laid or coming to your house, Jasper.”

Jasper: “Fine by me. I’ll be the flash because he’s the only slim one.”

Miller: “Good choice, anything else I would’ve laughed at.”

Bellamy: “So I didn’t get to choose my superhero? And why are you all DC when we’re Marvel?”

Miller: “Fine, I’ll be Tony Stark to not leave you alone.”

Bellamy: “That’s a good friend.”

Miller: “But if you do anything I don’t like, I want the suit back.”

Bellamy: “You watch too many movies, the comics are great too.”

Miller: “You’re such a nerd, no wonder she chose the nerd character for you.”

Clarke: “Stop fighting kids”

Jasper: “Okay, mommy Cher.”

Miller: “That’s a little extreme”

Clarke laughed and looked at Raven who was looking at someone on the other side of the road. There was Bellamy with a tall, broad shouldered guy.

Clarke: “Hey, Bellamy, if you want to invite your tall friend you’re talking to right now, Raven would thank you.”

Raven snapped her head back to her friend and smacked her in the arm.

“What? You seemed interested”

“Yeah, but don’t out me like that, I thought you were my friend.”

Clarke laughed and looked at Bellamy again, who was looking at every single blonde around and she smiled brightly. He looked so cute when he was confused and then she took off her sunglasses at the same time he locked eyes with her and smiled just as bright.

He said something to his friend and walked towards them.

“Chill” whispered Clarke to her friend, even though she was the one feeling butterflies in her stomach.

“This is why I didn’t want you to say that, now he’s coming here.”

“C’mon. You need to have a fun night of loosening up, your eye candy won’t mind if you have fun while on the mainland.”

“I hate you.”

“Hey guys, I didn’t know you’d be around.” 

“That’s because I couldn’t convince her to come out until the last minute” responded Raven hyper focusing on Bellamy.

“Yeah, she’s a little too stubborn.” He smiled at her and Clarke smiled as well, trying not to feel bad that he didn’t kiss her forehead or temple like he always did as a way to say hello. They were outside, he couldn’t do that or people would pick up on her presence. She still missed it, though.

“So, who are these lovely ladies, Blake?”

“Oh, yeah. This is my girlfriend Clarke and her best friend Raven”

“What a pleasure this is” he said kissing both her hands.

“And this over the top guy’s Roan. He’s on the same masters program as me.”

“Nice to meet you” said Raven smiling at him.

“I was about to tell him to come with us to the Halloween party”

“Where?”

“On Polaris, we’re all going as superheroes. You could join in”

“Well… wouldn’t it be funny if I went as Capitan America?” he responded with a heavy British accent and Bellamy shook his head.

“No, it wouldn’t.”

“Yeah, it would.” Raven smiled before wiking to Roan, “I was thinking about being Peggy as Captain Britain as a nod to the UK as well.”

“Then we have more in common than being very attractive”

“Bellamy, would you take a picture of me with the college on my back?” interrupted Clarke walking away from the flirting couple.

“Sure.”

She posed for a few pictures and then pulled him in for a selfie and he smiled at the camera.

“It’s unfair that you can look as attractive even when you’re not ready for a picture” 

“Clarke, you look great in literally every picture you get taken.”

“That’s not true”

“It is, look.” He gave her his phone, where he had pictures from the last few minutes and then some of the day Raven arrived and some other pictures of the two of them at Polaris and in their house. There were some of her alone in the kitchen or in the terrace painting and her heart was threatening with exploding. She hadn’t realized he took that many pictures of her.

“I… I don’t look well in every single one.”

“You’re biased.” He said a little embarrassed, maybe just realizing she didn’t know about some of the pictures.

“You’re too.”

“That’s true, I used to say I have a thing for brunettes and as beautiful as you look I kind of miss the golden hair.”

“Good thing I’m not Rapunzel”

He smiled and Raven walked towards them because Roan said that he had to go, but they interchanged phone numbers and then the three of them kept walking on the city without getting recognized.

* * *

The party was on full swing when they got to the dive bar, it was still dingy but it seemed festive with so many noise and people. Clarke felt a little nervous at first but started relaxing with the time passing and no one saying anything about recognizing them, only that their outfits were cool.

They sat on a booth, drunk with their faces half covered and bickered and danced for hours. She even danced with Bellamy, up close and personal and if they hadn’t been wearing masks she didn’t know if she would be able to not kiss him. 

They moved with the music and the people around them and she wanted nothing more than to remove the mask to have some air on her skin, but she didn’t know if it was due to the heat of the moment or Bellamy’s hands on her. Then Bellamy removed the bottom half of it as if reading her mind.

“To breath better” he yelled over the music and she decided to do it as well.

“You’re right, this is better” she yelled as well, after mirroring his actions but he seemed distracted by something because he didn’t respond anything.

She licked her lips, not realizing that his eyes were on them until his own tongue came out of his mouth to wet his lips and she could swear she could feel it in other parts of her body.

“You guys want to play charades?” asked Jasper screaming by their side and they walked with him towards their friends holding hands. Clarke didn’t know what had happened but she did feel like the atmosphere had shifted and they were a little too uncomfortable now.

They sat with their friends, but there wasn’t more space so Clarke had to sit on Bellamy’s lap, as Harper did with Monty.

“You guys were having fun?” asked the blonde a little too innocent.

“As much as you I can see” responded Clarke before having a sip of her drink.

“Nah, that looked better.”

“Harp.” Warned Monty putting a hand on his girlfriend’s thigh and Clarke envied them for the thousand time for being able to do stuff like that.

“It’s fine Monty. We like making fun of Clarkey and Blakey here”

“You really are drunk, Miller” commented Bellamy, but Clarke couldn’t see his face and as tempted as she was to turn around and see it as close as she was, she didn’t trust herself not to throw caution to the wind and make out with him.

“So are you, dirty dancing with your famous girlfriend on the dance floor.”

“We weren’t dirty dancing!” protested Clarke covering her whole face with the mask, as if that could hide her embarrassment.

“You so were” said Raven from the Roan’s lap. She had dirty danced with him without shame and had made out with him. It was official, now she envied Raven as well. 

“Shut up.”

They played charades until they were too drunk to keep doing it and they finally walked back home, all but Raven and Roan who took a cab to his house.

“Is Roan really trustworthy?” asked Clarke watching the car leave while holding Bellamy to keep the cold from her body.

“I think so, but I don’t vouch for any men. Either way, there’s not much we can do now. They’re gone.”

“Yeah, I trust that she can walk away if he’s a creep and take a cab herself.”

“Yeah, she’s a grown woman and he didn’t seem to be disrespectful, if anything, she was initiating everything.”

“Yeah, you’re right. I still feel responsible because I invited her here.”

“It’s okay, princess. We’ll go pick her up if anything happens.”

“Why are you calling me princess, now?”

“Because you’re adorable when you care so much”

She smiled, he had taken his mask off but she couldn’t yet, so she just took the bottom half off and kissed his cheek.

“You’re making me hate the word less.”

“I’m at your service” he answered kind of breathy and she could feel how she had power over him too, or maybe she had kissed him a lot closer to his mouth as she intended but either way, she felt powerful.

“Hey, knock it off, I want to go to bed.”

“Shut up, Miller”

Bellamy took her hand and walked towards their friends either way, she didn’t notice that everyone was waiting for them but it did made her kind of happy that she could ask anyone and they’d corroborate that he was bashful because she had kissed his cheek.

* * *

Raven arrived at five in the morning and Clarke had to go downstairs to open the door. She was still a little bit drunk so it got hard to get upstairs but they made it and Raven told her with too many details how good of a night she had.

They fell asleep afterwards and the next morning they woke up with Raven’s alert, because it was time to go back home.

“Agh, I hate hangovers”

“Me too, but you at least got laid last night.”

“Don’t act like you couldn’t if you wanted.”

“That’s not true.”

“I mean, of course, because you do want but you’re just too much of a chicken”

“Why are you so mean this early in the morning?”

“Because I saw you with him last night" whispered Raven, "I know you say that it's all a lie but you two looked way too cozy to be faking it at the booth and don’t get me talking about you two in the dance floor."

"We are fake, Raven. I'm literally paying him to act like he likes me."

"Then he's a hell of an actor. And you guys didn’t have to go that hard last night, the only people you had to fool were Monty, Jasper and Roan and you were away from them while dirty dancing. Plus you can't act even on your music videos, spare me the bullshit"

"Hey! It's hard to act when there's five cameras on you and so many people around you."

"Yeah, ‘cuz Polaris was so empty last night."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that even if he's acting, you're not. I know you, you have a tell when you're acting and the only time the tell showed up last night was when Roan asked how you two started dating"

"Why do you have to be so dramatic? Those were not Roan’s words."

"Yeah, try dodging the subject. It isn't notorious at all.” Clarke groaned at that and Raven smiled “Do you like my big brain words?"

"Only when you don't use them against me."

"Just admit you have a big ol' crush on him and I'll be done"

"Fine. But don't tell anyone."

"Babe, I'm pretty sure they all know. At least the ones who know it's supposed to be fake. They were sharing knowing looks all night."

"That's just because Miller and Harper are gossips."

"That's because they know you. And Miller knows Bellamy and he seems to be of the idea that he has a crush on you too, so... There's that."

"Don't put ideas into my mind, Raven. Things are fine the way they are."

"Are you sure? Wouldn't you like him to be in this bed right now instead of me?"

"Shut up" she said throwing a pillow to Raven's face, prompting a pillow war. One that wasn't won by any of them, because soon enough there was a knock in the door.

“Come in!” screamed Raven moving Clarke’s shirt so she would be showing some more cleavage. 

“Hey…” his eyes drifted to Clarke’s chest and she could feel heat accumulating in her face and somewhere else.

“Yes?”

“I… um..” he looked passed her and seemed to snap himself out of something, making her feel more powerful than ever, “I made you guys breakfast, but Monty, Jasper and Harper showed up, so you better come downstairs before they eat everything.”

“We’ll be right there in a few minutes” said Clarke trying to fix her messy hair and Bellamy smiled at her, kind of bashful but also kind of flirty and turned around.

“See? He looked like he wanted to jump you right in front of me”

“Rae… it’s complicated, okay? Even if he has a physical thing for me, what if he’s done after that? What if he just doesn’t want to go through the trouble of actually having a girlfriend that’s a famous singer. It’s easy now that we’re in hiding. But what happens when we’re on tour? He has to stay put, he has a job. There’s a reason celebrities just stay with other celebrities, it’s complicated to date regular people.”

“It’s not impossible, though. You could make it work.”

“But what if he doesn’t want to? What if this physical thing it’s not enough? Plus, it’s all messed up already, I’m paying him to be my boyfriend. He literally has a contract that says that he has to kiss me in public sometimes and hold my hand. That’s not a good foundation for a relationship.”

“You won’t know what will happen if you don’t try, babe. I get that you’re scared, you’re putting all of these excuses because you’re terrified he’ll betray you the same way Finn and Lexa did, but you will never be happy unless you take a chance on someone, as you seem to really like this one and he you.”

“I…” she sighed and shook her head, “I can’t do this right now. Maybe, if things move naturally towards it, I’ll let go of my fears and just do whatever I feel like doing with him, but right now, I just don’t feel ready yet.”

“It’s okay. I get it, but I want you to keep me posted, okay?”

“Fine. Let’s get dressed so you can leave to see that eye candy of yours.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again. It's been a long time, mostly because I was busy with my thesis and since no one is commenting this story it feels kind of pointless, but after Bellamy's beath and mourning him and being sad and mad, I just felt like I had to give him a soft world to live in, after all the crap he's been through in cannon. After that shitty death and the way they made Clarke do it, I just had to give them somewhere they could develop their precious relationship and not have to make impossible choices and the wrong OOC ones even. Either way, I'm going to keep writing most of these for me, but honestly reviews are what keep me going so if you have some nice words it would mean the world to me.

**Author's Note:**

> Oh, this was supposed to be a one-shot, just to test the waters and then more scenes came to my mind and I couldn't not write them, so, if it feels rushed in some parts it's because of that. Hopefully you liked it and enough to leave a comment :)


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